Its just one of those days you sit and think about all that you wanted to do but dint do for whatever reasons.
In school actually i have absolutely no regrets. However, there was a time when a family friend (popular person hence shall refrain from using names), asked if I'd like to act in a film. i refused, why coz i was still in school and had a long way to go. Should i have done just that. I love acting, atleast realised that later in college. But still Theatre would any day be a preferred option.
In college, another friend had asked if I'd like to get into VJing. Again i turned it down owing to lack of time. I was into too many things, sports, culturals, theatre, studies. One more addition and I'd need 72 hours every day. And VJing was not really something i was interested in.
Once college was done, again couple of known sources asked if I'd be interested in films. My Mum's reply - I will get you married. I still fail to understand why the threat of getting married would deter me from getting into that field. But the sad part then, it did and i went away to Hyderabad to pursue a career - which i had never planned. It came my way and i took it. There were plenty of opportunities in Theatre with some of the top names in Chennai. I turned them all down and went away. I spent a year in Hyderabad - just working. The same person who was into so many things in college and school, was just working. Sad
Back in Chennai, with a new job, again not planned, but serious advice from a good friend, made me shift. She felt i wasnt being used to my fullest potential in my current job. I came back to Chennai and the new job was exciting, fun, new, challenging. I loved every bit of it and still do. But again none of these were planned. I just took what came. Again an opportunity in Theatre came my way. I just about managed to attend a few practice sessions, but work, family and theatre was far too much to take. I had to sacrifice one - i sacrificed theatre ....again.
Now as i sit and think in the last maybe 5 years i dont think I've really done what i wanted to do. Films is not really my piece of cake. True Theatre, small screen acting would definitely be something to look forward to. Again how, when, where . Questions, and more questions continue to haunt me. Comments and opinions to add to it. My only take on opinions and comments is that, an industry is not bad or shady, its the people in it and again not all of them. One rotten apple here and there leads to a total image disaster. Its totally and entirely an individuals mental make that determines whether or not he/she would turn into a rotten apple!
One other side of me craves to get into politics. Ive loved to be on the administration side - to have the power and authority to bring about change. I know I have it in me to go for it. Then again questions, opinions, feedback - its a scary field, dominated by men, you need to do this and that, - my question - isnt that the case with every field. Any field for that matter is definitely not a bed of roses. Its upto the individual to take the plunge and thereafter keep a firm head. Its not the industry that spoils a person, but once own lack of self confidence and will power.
I dream now, i dream of being able to make change, i dream of being able to realise my dreams.
I shall rest discontented and dissatisfied, as long as i do what comes my way and not what i really want to do.
Hopefully, it all just ain't a dream...
