Why this topic is significant now? Munch messaged last night. Her fiance's dog had passed away and she was crying. She did not know whether she was crying coz her fiance was crying or because the dog had passed away. Called her. I knew there was nothing you can tell anyone at this point of time. Munch sobbed, saying Benji was the only dogged who liked her. Tried making her laugh, telling id give her candy for a week and she could decide whether to keep her or not. Candy sure does have a way with people. Munch finally laughed a bit. Had to crash, so told her to relax and things will work out. Also offered to buy her in laws another dog when i went down to Cochin.
What is it like to lose a pet? Its the worst thing that can possible happen. I have lost people, i have also lost a dog. Somehow when i lost Smudge, my lhasaapso, I was devastated and it took me quite a while to get back to normal. With people, I did not have much of a problem. The sadness was there no doubt, the intensity varied.
Smudge, came to me as a pup. Mum and Dad decided it was time I got a dog. I was simply crazy about them. In my neighbourhood, I knew the name of every single dog, but not their owner. Also, all stray dogs had a name. Having cats at home was common, but somehow i could never really cuddle a cat. We saw some ads in the paper and decided to go and see some pups. Went to a house where there were about 7 aapso pups. The owner opened the door, and balls of white wool came rolling out. All of them ran straight for the food bowl and gobbled up whatever was there. One little one, trudged behind and came in last. He wasnt too healthy. The rest were fighting over the food bowl, but this little one came straight to me and tugged at my lace. I know it sounds like its straight out of a fairy tale. It is true though. Somehow I knew, he was the one. I picked him up. He had the most amazing eyes simply begging me to take him. Decided, bought and we went home. He curled up on the car seat and fell asleep.
Smudge's existence was brief. He lived only for 2 and half years. During his time, he carried himself like a king, yet was also the most affectionate dog in the world. The minute we reached home, he would bow low like he was welcoming us. He would howl when he heard indian music. Western music was something that usually put him to sleep. This was Smudge in a nutshell. He was prone to diseases, as he had protruding jaw. His last few days were absolute hell. Mum would rush him to the hospital everyday. Finally on August 14th 1997, he passed away. Mum did not tell me. She said he had been kept in the hospital for observation. I knew it was over. The next day, i was leaving for school for Independence Day celebration. Mum quietly told me the truth. I did not react. I was numb. I went to school. The celebration was over. There was a prof in school who was as crazy about dogs as I was. Mum had taught her and she taught me. She was the reason I fell in love with History and continued to take it in high school.She enquired about Smudge. Quietly told her he passed away the previous day. I broke down in the school car park. She tried consoling me, I sobbed uncontrollably. I couldnt quite get myself to accept it. The sad thing was, the day before he passed away, as i was just leaving for school, I saw him lying on the doormat. Something told me to speak to him. I did that. Just put him on my lap and told him he was the best part of my life and that I loved him. Also told him that I wanted him to fight, but if it hurt too much to go to sleep. My lil one could not take the pain, coz he decided to sleep.
Days went on. We were all silent at home. We hardly talked to each other. It was crazy. Somehow like darkness had decided that we would be the target. There were so many things that we had discussed with Smudge, that we could not discuss with each other. He did not just die with his own pain, but with ours as well. Our sorrows was his, our joys were his as well. He was too much a part of us.
We couldnt take it after a point. We went to the vet, and asked him if he had any dog. He answered positively. He had a lab, who was given as a gift to the minister and was treated really badly. We couldnt care less what or who he was. We agreed to take him. Ranger entered our lives. His tail was like a rat's tail He was thin. Hadnt eaten a decent meal. We took him home and he devoured bowls of rice and dal. I couldnt quite relate much to Ranger. Smudge was still the one. It didnt take me long to get used to Ranger. He was a clown, and his antics won me over.
Time has passed now, Ranger is 11. Old but still remains the eternal clown. He has Candy for company as well and together they make me laugh and forget that I once lost someone so dear.
I write this post now, quite early in office. Even as i write, tears trickle down my face. Miss you Smudge!!!
