Scribbled

What's in a Name.

2010-07-20T16:53:00.004+05:30

Another post on my four legged friends. We take so much pains to name our children, just a word of advice to pet owners, - do put in the same amount of effort to name your pet as well, reason being they're stuck with that name for the rest of their lives. Not that they care, still wouldnt you want your pet to have a nice name!

We have a German Shepherd in my in laws place. We had to take him to the vet to get his shots and for some problem with the ear. R and i took him. R parked the car while i got Foster (the German Shepherd ) out and waited on the platform. Even before R could take the leash from me, he looked kinda shocked. I wasnt sure what i had done but R was looking else where. Turned around to see what he saw - outside the clinic was this humongous creature for a dog. It bore more resemblance to a bear though.

I handed over Foster to R. Went to the beary dog. She was on a leash, not that it was needed as i realised later, and the caretaker was sitting with her. My first question - does she bite. Thankfully not. She started playing, jumping and licking my hand. When she stood on all fours, she was upto my waist. I stand at 5'10 so you can imagine how tall this dog was. She was a pure bred German Shepherd. It was evident. Each of her legs were like tree trunks and she was needless to say huge!!

She was extremely friendly though on first glance anyone would have retreated a couple of steps. Like i had earlier mentioned she was just one huge teddy bear. I struck up a conversation with the caretaker. Including the dialogue verbatim so you can figure out how many watts the bulb on my head should have shone!

From the beginning, here goes:

A : Kadikuma (Does she bite)

Caretaker: Kadikadhu Ma...ana romba vaalu so gudhikalam ( She wont bite but she is naughty so she may jump)

A: Whistle whistle. Chamathu kutti. Enna vayasu achu. (Good girl. How old is she?)

Caretaker : 11

A: Ohhh you're 11 years. Irundhalum vaalavey irukiye. ( inspite of being 11 years, you're still naughty)

Caretaker: Ma..11 masam ma..11 varusham illai (ma she is 11 months not 11 years)

A: *Shocked* Ennnaa...11 masam dhana!!! (What...11 months only!!)

Caretaker: Ammam Madam (Yes Madam)

A: Enna sapadu kudukareenga. (What do you feed her). Veedu enge. (Where are you put up)

Caretaker: Chicken dhan ma sapdum. Veedu vandhu ECR le oru farm house., ( She eats only Chicken ma. House is on ECR ..its a farm house)

A: Hmmm...seri per enna..( Ok whats her name)

Caretaker: Kuttima!!

A: *Bulb bulb bulb* *Stutter Stammer cough* Enna Kuttima va!!! Idhukka!! (What kuttima..for this one)

Caretaker: *Chuckling*..ammam Madam ( Yes Madam)

A: Enga...nalla dhaney irundheenga...ivalo periya nai..yaravadhu kuttima nu kupada mudiyuma!!!..(You were alright nah. For such a big dog, would anyone name it Kuttima. Kutti meaning small)

Caretaker: Nan enna madam panna mudiyum..naana per vechen ( what can i do madam, did i name her?)

Never mind! I turned around to see R laughing at the super bulb that i got. I'm not one of those people who can disguise my expressions. If I'm shocked it would show on my face. Looking at my expression, both R and the caretaker had a pretty hearty laugh.

In my mind...this creature was the size of a full grown lion and she was stuck with a name called Kuttima, an oxymoron, for the rest of her life. And she was only 11 months old!!!

Can you imagine standing in a huge farmhouse. You whistle and call out "Kuttima come here". You would expect a Pomeranian or a rabbit to come jumping not a 50 Kg German Shepherd!!

Rising up to the Occasion!

2010-07-14T20:42:00.004+05:30

Titles can be deceptive. This has nothing to do with any heroic event. Another of my Buddy's, lets just say not so pleasant experiences. Preferably not readable for children!

Buddy turns two years, next month. Having had quite a few dogs before, we've never really taken the trouble of getting them crossed. Perhaps since all our dogs have in some way or the other been crazy, the fear of seeing generations of craziness freaked us out. With Buddy we decided to take a chance. Those who know Buddy, personally, I can see the horror on your faces! He is a growing fella give him his space!

So Buddy turns two. Through some known folks in the veterinarian community, we found a mate. She was 5 years old and her name was Chocolate. Surprise Surprise - she was Chocolate Brown ;). Buddy was to be taken to her on Monday. Timing issues and it got postponed to Tuesday. Damn, i had taken trouble to give him that extra pat while grooming him. An extra puff of powder. I even put some lacto calamine on him so that he smelt good.

Tuesday arrived and with the evening Chocolate arrived. The act was to be performed in our house on the terrace. The option was some open ground in Adyar. No way was i going to allow that spectacle. Actually I'm thankful it was our terrace. Chocolate was taken up to the terrace with her master and a trainer. Buddy was taken as well by the chap who takes him for a walk, our version of trainer.

Buddy has this collar which I got him a month ago. It sort of warns us before he comes. With a half choke, the chain has this distinct chal chal sound as he runs. We sat anxiously watching TV. i heard a yelp and a squeal. I felt really bad for Chocolate. I was sure Buddy was at his worst behaviour. Within seconds, i heard the familiar chal chal and Buddy was back home literally cowering down. Following him was his trainer/walker. Buddy was petrified and had come running all the way back home. The yelping and squealing was not Chocolate, it was Buddy!!!

Chocolate's Master simply took her back home. Buddy looked ashamed and still a little freaked out. My justification - he is still a baby and he has all the time in the world. Maybe Chocolate growled at him! News spread fast and wide and everyone knew of Buddy's experience with adulthood. R cannot stop torturing me that this chap was useless and should be castrated - hah! you wish!!!!. He is a baby, he will grow up!

R chuckles - Buddy boy...you sure did not 'rise' up to the occasion. Pun intended.

Buddy boy!

2010-03-17T16:21:00.004+05:30

Buddy who? My 1 and half year old fawn labrador. I've been meaning to write this post but somehow i know, this is one post that would never end. There would always be many more.
Buddy came home in September of 2008. Ever since, our entire world has very literally been topsy turvy. The sofa covers are on the floor. The leaves from the plant would be all over the balcony. Slippers would have no straps. Keys with chewable key chains, would not have key chains, mattresses would have no cotton... and the list goes on.
He came in when he was a month old. We picked him up at the Vet's clinic. He had a small scar on his head. The scar is still there, his differentiator from all other labradors. As we sat at the clinic, Abhi, Mohi and I, Abhi held him while i was busy buying stuff for him. Within seconds he was busy chewing the band around Abhi's wrist. He was just the dog i was looking for :).
The reason we bought another dog was coz we felt Amma needed a companion. I was to get married soon, Abhi was to go abroad. Candy is there, but the sweetheart that she is, you can't quite expect an eventful day with her around. She would do as you tell her and is totally unobtrusive. We needed life after we lost Ranger. Basically we needed a clown :)
At home there was a war before Buddy was accepted. With no choice left Dad and mum had to give in. I even threatened to walk out of the house with Buddy. You just cant help getting attached to the fella. How did we name him? We picked lots. We had 5 names in mind. We were four of us, and we picked lots. All 4 times, we got the name Buddy. Buddy was officially christened.
As a pup his morning schedule. Howl and bring the roof down at 5 am out of hunger. Amma learned his ways fast. More than Buddy adapting to our household, we adapted to his ways. Amma just had to heat milk and mix Complan and allow it to cool before he came dashing out of the door. 5 am!! He would run out lap up the milk and run for whatever he found to chew. Paper, Cushions, Slippers, shoes - anything that was non metallic!
Taking him for a walk, is more like taming a mad horse. He would not walk, he would pull and run. The first 5 minutes invariably go in a tussle between the walker the walked the leash and the collar. The sole survivor would be Buddy, the rest would either be on the floor or ripped apart.
He's grown into a handsome muscular and extremely lovable dog now. Taking him for a walk is still a challenge. The common belief is that dogs mature with age. Buddy is an exception to probably every defined rule, including gravity! His main target is almost always Amma. His morning routine - Amma would go around setting the sofa straight, the cushions, the covers. Buddy would very religiously follow and pull them all down. He would then have a sip of coffee from Amma. If she refused, a battle of howls normally ensued.
Amma bought a beautiful vethalai chedi (betel leaf plant). She kept it on the balcony close to the verandah grill. Abhi used to religiously water it. One day Abhi was out, when he got back the plant did not exist. Buddy put his snout through the grill and chewed every leaf he could lay his teeth on.
When Amma comes home every day, she has the habit of tucking her keychain on her saree. Buddy's duty is to jump on her, push her, take the key and throw it. There are 6 specific spots in the house where the missing keys would definitely be found. Never underestimate Buddy's capabilities. He can eat a stone. He can break a wall. He can chew cane chairs and leave them legless.
Mischief apart, i can bet on anything, that Buddy understands every word we say. When you talk to him directly, he inevitably responds with a bark or howl depending on the tone which we use. Amma and Buddy have had quite a few of these. Extremely receptive and also quite stubborn if something had to get done it just had to get done. And he had a way of asking for it. He would ensure you know what he's asking for - be it a glass of milk or a stroll around the house. A dog who knew his mind... and ours!
And yet he is the most lovable creature God has ever created. I will stop here. This is a haphazard post, but there is just no end to Buddy's antics :)

Gym rules!

2010-02-18T14:52:00.005+05:30

Ive been working out for awhile now. No i dont have a super deadly figure, I'm no where close to it but i like to atleast think that i have an agenda to work out in place. So every morning i manage atleast a 45 minute workout. Atleast i wont die jogging for 5 minutes :). Now that's saying a lot!!!
Anyway I generally go to the gym do my workout and tend to observe people around me. Some rules, that have already been clearly mentioned by 'Nothings aplenty' but felt the need to reinstate.

Workout quietly. Making noise is a severe distraction. Breathing heavy is a strict no no. Ive been offended several times and walked off from my machine
Have your own towel. You wouldnt want to be sweating all over the place.
If possible carry your own water bottle. If you prefer drinking water at the gym, be decent enough not to sip the bottle. There are others as well.
If the person next to you, working out is good looking, avoid paying attention to them. If you're on a tread mil runnin at 11 , your chances are you might be on your way to the hospital in an ambulance at 80 km/h
Take the trainers help. Dont be shy. They are experts and they're advice is crucial
Put your mobile off or keep it on silent. Sensitivity. Take your calls outside the gym floor. Nobody wants to listen to your personal rantings.
enjoy your workout...atleast try. Waking up at 6 am is tough no doubt but still enjoy :)
Dont workout on an empty tummy. You might collapse with cramps. Sure fire way to screw up your work out
Wear sensible work out attire. Jeans are a definite no no. Your at the gym to work out not draw attention. So dress comfortably.

Im no expert here. Just some observations/recommendations.

Happy Gymming.

Idiocy!

2010-02-15T15:24:00.004+05:30

Most of my posts are usually inspired by my travels/travails. This happened on a recent trip to Madurai. I was on an early morning flight. Checked in and sat waiting for my flight to be called. Groggy and tired, i could barely wait to get onto the flight and go back to sleep atleast for 45 minutes. Flight was announced with instructions for older people and rows 1 - 8 to board first. Needless to say the entire junta made a queue, as though if they did not board the flight immediately , they would have to cling on to the wings!.
I normally take my time to stand in the queue and end up being the last. Same case while deplaning, the minute the seat belt sign if off there would be a queue waiting to fall off the aircraft. Honestly you lose nothing - maybe baggage space in the aircraft which is not much of a problem since i travel light and would only have a laptop bag on board. I made my way to the queue.
Again this post is no offense meant to people with white skin but more of a jab at our own regional idiocy. There were a few white skinned people in queue as well. They were a couple of feet in front of me in queue. The ground staff approached them and took a look at their tickets. They were among the last rows. I infact was ahead of them in terms of seat number. The staff chap simply smiled did some small talk, asked them where they were from and led them ahead of the queue straight to the waiting van. I wasn't shocked, irritated rather. Here were so many people, all of them paying for their tickets. These white folks were also paying the same possibly lesser. There was no business class on this flight, so no chance of priority. Their seat numbers were way back. There were older people ahead of them waiting in queue. So why this importance???
I was silent, and terribly irritated. Bad way to start the day. Reached the aircraft. It was full but there was sufficient space for my bag. Sat down and was busy reading the morning paper. The cabin crew went around serving people water. She was rather grim while serving. I swore to myself that her reaction would surely change when she saw a 'foreigner'. Bingo! As she approached them, her face broke into a wide smile, as though she had seen a ray of sunlight in a cloud covered land. Comparison intended! Were these white folks paying her? I honestly felt like confronting her. I was after them, she offered me water, i turned it down in rebellion. She probably couldn't care less! I would torture her later mid flight for water. Irritated, i fell asleep.
I'm not sure what this so called attraction to white skin is for. Does that look better? Is white skin a qualifier for more brains? We sure have so much to learn. Baffling!!

Dare to dream...atleast dream

2009-12-19T09:32:00.002+05:30

Its just one of those days you sit and think about all that you wanted to do but dint do for whatever reasons.

In school actually i have absolutely no regrets. However, there was a time when a family friend (popular person hence shall refrain from using names), asked if I'd like to act in a film. i refused, why coz i was still in school and had a long way to go. Should i have done just that. I love acting, atleast realised that later in college. But still Theatre would any day be a preferred option.

In college, another friend had asked if I'd like to get into VJing. Again i turned it down owing to lack of time. I was into too many things, sports, culturals, theatre, studies. One more addition and I'd need 72 hours every day. And VJing was not really something i was interested in.

Once college was done, again couple of known sources asked if I'd be interested in films. My Mum's reply - I will get you married. I still fail to understand why the threat of getting married would deter me from getting into that field. But the sad part then, it did and i went away to Hyderabad to pursue a career - which i had never planned. It came my way and i took it. There were plenty of opportunities in Theatre with some of the top names in Chennai. I turned them all down and went away. I spent a year in Hyderabad - just working. The same person who was into so many things in college and school, was just working. Sad

Back in Chennai, with a new job, again not planned, but serious advice from a good friend, made me shift. She felt i wasnt being used to my fullest potential in my current job. I came back to Chennai and the new job was exciting, fun, new, challenging. I loved every bit of it and still do. But again none of these were planned. I just took what came. Again an opportunity in Theatre came my way. I just about managed to attend a few practice sessions, but work, family and theatre was far too much to take. I had to sacrifice one - i sacrificed theatre ....again.

Now as i sit and think in the last maybe 5 years i dont think I've really done what i wanted to do. Films is not really my piece of cake. True Theatre, small screen acting would definitely be something to look forward to. Again how, when, where . Questions, and more questions continue to haunt me. Comments and opinions to add to it. My only take on opinions and comments is that, an industry is not bad or shady, its the people in it and again not all of them. One rotten apple here and there leads to a total image disaster. Its totally and entirely an individuals mental make that determines whether or not he/she would turn into a rotten apple!

One other side of me craves to get into politics. Ive loved to be on the administration side - to have the power and authority to bring about change. I know I have it in me to go for it. Then again questions, opinions, feedback - its a scary field, dominated by men, you need to do this and that, - my question - isnt that the case with every field. Any field for that matter is definitely not a bed of roses. Its upto the individual to take the plunge and thereafter keep a firm head. Its not the industry that spoils a person, but once own lack of self confidence and will power.

I dream now, i dream of being able to make change, i dream of being able to realise my dreams.

I shall rest discontented and dissatisfied, as long as i do what comes my way and not what i really want to do.

Hopefully, it all just ain't a dream...

A farce is a farce is a farce?!?

2009-09-22T18:21:00.003+05:30

This happened in our second year of UG. We had a paper on British Literature and the name of the play we had to read i think was called 'Ways of the World' by William Congreve. The play I'm guessing was alright coz i anyways dont seem to remember a word of it. But there was one stark incident which all of us...every single one of us remember.

We were split into groups to do projects based on this play. In our group of 5, it was common that 3 would be close and the other 2 would be close. Or 2 would be close, the other 2 would be close, and 1 neutral (mostly me!!! - I had to unfortunately play referee). Various combinations. Sometimes all 5 of us would just have a blast. It was not a tension or a feud, just a matter of choice and comfort.

Zena, Archu and I were in one group to do the project. Sats and Ambz were in the other. The class was taken by Leela Chelliah Mam. We were definitely not one of her favorites thanks to an incident in our first year. Will write another post on that. Well the day came for us to present the project to the class. We were done. So were few others. It was Sats and Ambz turn. They were to analyse this play from the point of view of a 'farce'. (dramatic piece of work, something funny, improbable plot, exaggerated characters and slapstick humour)

Satz was in full force talking about characters, the play, the dialogues. And from what angle she was talking i dont think, even she knew. The word farce was not mentioned once in her entire monologue. I call it a monologue, coz Ambz was cooing in between, while Sats fought the battle of words with herself. She was done. LC looked puzzled. LC simply asked her' You've said so much, for what and on what i have no idea. Now tell me what is a farce and what have you analyzed'.

Satz as i told you, famous for her one liners and foot - in - mouth answers cooly replied ' Mam you see, A farce...is a farce..is a farce'.

Class over. We were rolling laughing. Satya still stood with a straight face convinced that what she had said made perfect sense! LC, needless to say walked off in a huff :)

Great Wall of Rivett

2009-08-27T09:59:00.005+05:30

Dating back to 2nd year in UG. Like i had mentioned, we were 5 of us in our group - some duffers chose to call us famous five. Im sure our department faculty called us 'notorious five'. My take - we did not need to be branded, Thank you! So back to 2nd year. Needless to say we were back benchers. We had 3 others with us, who were equally crazy. The last row was reserved for us. I dont think anyone even wanted to sit there :). Nah we were nice fun people.

Sathya was the shortest among the 5 of us. And we've taken her trip no end thru the years. She had and still has a wild tongue and 9 out of 10 times, would land her in trouble. We had a free hour and the general gossip, discussions were going on. Needless to say, Sathya had to make it a point to comment on something and this time it was on some statement of Rajul's.

Rajul and I go way back to 6th grade. We were even punished together during Biology Class. Our friendship was both in class and of course on the Basketball Court - for 10 long years!!! Rajul being the tomboy that she was (then/now married with a kid - OMG!) would obviously not allow Sathya to get away with her mean comment. Sathya was sitting on the floor, Rajul in a deft move picked up Sathya's slippers and threw it on the sunshade, on the other side of the wall.

We had 10 mins for the hour to end and had to walk to another dept for General English, which obviously meant Sathya needed her slippers. I still admire Sathya's valiant attempt - here are the details.

With eyes set on getting her slippers, Sathya rose from her meditating pose. She just had to get it. Had she been a little taller, she could have bent over the wall and would have just been able to reach those slippers. Unfortunately Ms Lilliput tried, and what ensued was a sight - of a person dressed in black jeans and a grey tshirt, dangling on either side of the wall, legs one side, arms on the other. Her feet wouldnt touch the ground, neither would her hands reach the slippers. Peals of laughter, not just from the back benchers, but by now the whole class was rolling. I still admire Sathya's confidence :)

We obviously couldnt allow Sathya to remain dangling. We had to sort of pull her back to get her feet back on the floor. Rajul's revenge was done - withut further delay she quickly got Sathya's slippers back. Needless to say there was a chase after that!

Lesson - remember if the wall is 3/4th your height, acrobatics on it, across it...errr is not a 'wise' decision.

Oh what a fall there was....

2009-08-21T18:11:00.004+05:30

Was sifting thru GD's blog and found a post on theatre accidents. Since I was anyways on this spree of writing about personal experiences from long back thought i would write about one of mine.

WCC had this tradition of having an annual College Play. The play was normally directed by a famous Director or Theatre Group from Chennai. In the final year we planned to do this play 'Necessary Targets' by Eve Ensler. The play was to be directed by Dr. Rajani from Madras University. He earlier worked with Madras Christian College after which he held the Tagore Chair for Literature in the University of Madras.

We were 7 of us in the play and practice sessions were gruelling. There was a scene, when all 7 actors were on stage and was a discussion about their lives. We were all seated on the floor in the form of a horse shoe. I was the first, which meant i was sitting at the edge of the stage. I had and still have this reputation of being accident prone.

This was the first time we were rehearsing this scene. My co actors, knowing my accident prone tendencies, warned me as i was precariously perched on the edge of the stage with my knee half outside. I reassured that i was fine. The scene was going well. The emotions, dialogues were perfect.

My lines were coming up. I was reacting perfectly to what the others were saying. THUD!!! My lines obviously would not come out - I was sprawled on the floor in some contorted position. The Thud was obviously followed by a bunch of 'Oh My God's' and bursts of laughter. It took awhile to disentangle myself and get up.

I stood up, dusted myself and quietly resumed by position on stage. One side of my body was numb and i could have screamed in pain. Silence - i looked around. All eyes were on me. I didn't quite know what to say. I just stared innocently.

A burst of raucous never ending laughter and practice for that day was over!!

Lesson : People who know you watch out for you. When they warn you - Listen!

Candy Grin!

2009-08-20T18:06:00.005+05:30

Thought I would divert a bit from the serious bunch of posts. Will start with penning down some incidents in 'individual posts' (dont even think of making me put all in one, it would be a book), incidents that i could recall from my school and college days.

In UG, we had general English classes, which were mandatory. Apart from Language classes, General English was one of the few sessions, where students from across departments came together. We were split into batches based on proficiency. The same batch continued throughout though our professors would change.

For one semester, we had our HOD, Mrs. RJC as we fondly refer to her as our professor for General English. Needless to say as a person and a professor, she was wonderful and every single person in WCC would vouch for that. Her tenure as the HOD of our Department and as the Principal of the college, was but fitting for her stature. Her English was so beautiful and perfect, that we normally felt terribly incompetent and illiterate. Even as i write this post i think of the words she used, which of course were like Greek and Latin to me.

During General English, normally Z and I used to sit together. The rest of our gang was in a different batch. In college, we used to get these packets of liquid chocolate - sort of like a paste. Choco sticks!! It was just a thin pack with some chocolate paste. I had bought a few during lunch time, to have later on. General English was immediately after lunch. We were assigned some writing work. I was done and was generally whiling away time pulling Z and not allowing her to write. She had to admonish me of course telling me to find something worthwhile to do like eat chocolate.

My thought process - ' Aha - Bingo! I have chocolate! But RJC is there. Hmmm but i just have to eat one, just one. Ok, since I'm in the last row, i will bend low and quickly eat it. She surely wont notice'. Slightly bent down, quickly had the choco stick. Sheer Bliss!!

I looked up innocently as though absolutely nothing had happened. I looked at RJC, she was writing something, but somehow at that time, looked up and simply smiled at me. I gave her one broad grin, with a sense of accomplishment. She looked a bit quizzical, as though she had seen something odd. Her face broke into a broad grin and she continued her work.

Now it was my turn to look puzzled. I nudged Z and asked if something was wrong with my face. She was puzzled too. I grinned at her saying i successfully wiped out the chocolate. Z was in splits. MY TEETH WERE COATED WITH CHOCOLATE!!! I had grinned at RJC showing off a bunch of Brown chocolate coated teeth. Z was terribly tickled and could just not stop and I of course could do nothing except pretend like I did not exist.

The class was over. I wanted to wait till everyone left and then leave. Z and i walked out. Bang - RJC was standing a few feet away from me talking to some students. Much to my embarrassment, she made it a point to look at me and gave me this 'i know what you were upto smile' with a twinkle in her eyes. I sheepishly smiled (without showing my teeth) and walked back to my department.

Lesson - never eat dark chocolate or any chocolate thats any colour other than white, when you're not supposed to!

And if you do - DONT GRIN!

Big differences come in small packages

2009-08-18T18:24:00.004+05:30

There is this orphanage where my friend worked, which ive visited a couple of times. Its called Ebenezer Home for Social Outreach and its one of those orphanages which actually took care of its wards really well. The shelter, clothing, food, sanitary, medical facilities were pretty good and when one went in, you felt you were at home. Through this friend of mine, i took my dept students in PG for a visit and later on made a friend of mine celebrate her birthday there. No, i'm no saint, but i've done some good things in life.

During my first visit there, we were shown around the various dorms where the kids stayed. Needless to say some kids especially the boys were excited we were there and were hell bent on showing off their talents. The girls were shy, yet once we started interacting there was no stopping them. They even danced to our tunes :).

In one such dorm, which housed the younger children, while the slightly older ones were busy tugging at us to get our attention, i noticed a tiny kid sitting in the corner playing by herself. She was far too small to walk and was in a world of her own. I asked one of the kids about her, he immediately ran to pick her up and brought her to me. Saying she was cute was an understatement.

Her looks made it obvious that she was from the north eastern part of the country. I held her and she was comfortable with not an inkling of fear. She must have been less than 2 years old. Curious eyes, gurgling sounds, fair skin, straight hair and pierced nose - this was Vandana for you. She was named at the orphanage. Her parents had left her when she was a baby and she was taken care of at the orphanage. Thru the day, she sort of clung onto me, not sure why. Honestly, i did not want to put her down. When i left, tears welled up in my eyes, cant quite explain why.

We came back again to celebrate D's bday. I had told her, instead of spending a bomb on treating friends, why not sponsor one meal for these kids. We did just that. Vandana was still there, though we went almost a year later. She was walking now and did not have to be picked up. The instant recognition on her face, made my day. She clung on to me again all day and when i left, she tugged at me, as though telling me to stay. I had to leave, and i left. It was harder than the previous time.

Meeting Vandana was an awakening. We woke up to the fact that we had so much, yet we crib and crib about not having enough. We yell at our parents for simple things, here was a kid with no parents at all. We waste food, we complain on what we eat, what is there never suffices, here was a child, who had to eat what was given. We were fed as children, Vandana ate by herself. When she was smaller, the other kids fed her. I adored her.

Im not sure how much of a difference I've made in anyone's life. However, i can surely say that the 2 days i spent with this kid, sure did make a huge difference in mine.

We realise the abundance in our lives - but what are we doing about it? I'll leave you to think on that.

Strangers...

2009-07-27T21:59:00.004+05:30

I work out every morning. No no dont raise eye brows there, i try! My gym is closer to Ammas place so the easiest mode of transport of course was walking. Now after moving, post marriage, i have to depend on my two wheeler. I'm at home for a few days coz Dad is not in town and Mum is alone. Moral support :). Anyways, now again, for a few days I'd be walking to the gym
On my walk to the gym, i had a bunch of people i used to notice. On the road where my residence is, the first person i would see was a tall uncle who would walk as though he was doing long jump - his strides were that long. I always felt that my walking was like lilliput steps next to his. And he would look at me as though saying 'Move it'. Next was an old couple, walking back from the temple. They were lets just say normal - talked between themselves and kept walking.
On the road that linked to the park, i normally met an uncle who if i had a chance i would love to pluck his eyes out. I used to cross the road to avoid him. Once when i walked close to him, I've even heard him mumble something. A bunch of expletives would run thru my head.
Near the park i used to meet, permanently-looking-at-the-floor aunty whose come close to crashing into me many times, radio- aunty who believed in community radio as she would not use headfones, the middle-aged-uncle with tiny shorts who used to jog around the park, the alien-headphones grandpa who was so totally cool listening to music on headphones that were far bigger than his head, the tall young lad with long strides standing almost 7 feet tall, and lastly the uncle who wore his tracks on his chest and also religiously adorned his forehead with his Sricharanam. These were noticeble people, there were others of course who i could still recognise as they were at some point a part of the landscape.
After many days now, Im walking to the gym again and its so strange how you feel a sense of belonging looking at these people even though some of them inspire the worst in me. Coming to think of it i actually miss noticing these people. Today as i walked, it was funny how a couple of these people who i notice (who had obviously noticed me as well), actually smiled at me - sort of 'welcome back' smile.
Strange are these people, nameless, yet welcoming me into this morning world.

One minute more...

2009-07-10T13:54:00.008+05:30

Time flies. Known fact. But we never look at ourselves and say - I'm 26, time flew. Or I'm married time flew. We mostly end up looking at time passing in relation with someone else.

A and i are 5 years apart. He's a total kid and still is one even though he's 21. The last one week has been a sort of reality check for me. The same kid who yanked me by my hair and broke every toy i had was packing his bags to leave for Australia, for higher studies. Time really had flown by.

A and i have never really been at logger heads. We've always gotten along like a house on fire and of course together played pranks on people, Amma being the target for most of them. He's been a role model for his friends and even his profs in college depended on for various things. At home he's been the extended shoulder for mum. Someone who was always there, her shadow.

He left yesterday. From Sunday, i was hoping against hope that time would stand still and that thursday night would never come. I never thought I'd miss him so much but i guess its only when a person is away from you do you realise their worth. At several instances i normally think, "damn i wish i had just one minute more" - probably for finishing an assignment, or a call, or just beginning a long journey. Many instances.

Yesterday on our way to the airport as the minute and seconds hand moved, i hoped for just one minute more. One minute more for A to be with mum, One minute more for him to whine with Buddy and cuddle Candy, one minute more for him to chit chat with dad, one minute more for him to fondly call me Arthropoda and yank me by my nose (he loves doing that) one minute more for him to climb and sit on Mohee's shoulder.

We reached the airport. I did not get my one minute more.

Time flew faster than i thought. In minutes he was done checking in, waving goodbye, and walking through customs to security check. My last sight of him was of him lugging his backpack (weighing 11 kilos!) and making his way to his destiny. Standing at 6'4, he still looked like the curly haired kid zooming around the house in his walker scribbling on every wall around, occasionally stopping to bite my hand.

A journey to the airport and back with one person less. And for the first time, my head did not automatically turn at the BMW showroom!

Quarterly sins cleared!

2009-07-08T17:25:00.005+05:30

1. I walked up to Tirupati. 3500 steps in 2 hours 50 mins. My feet were a bit sore when on the road. The rest seemed fine. The first part of course drained me completely.

But still. Kudos Maverick (my gym)!!!

2. For the first time in Tirupati i walked in and out of the temple in 15 mins. Thanks to R and R's dad who knew people there and also that there wasnt much crowd, we were in and out like you would in a normal temple. Not standing in a queue, not getting squashed and smashed by a zillion people of various shapes and sizes, not being yanked by the security forces inside - is very unlike Tirupati.

3. We went to Tiruchanoor. Bought tickets and was just going to stand in the queue - yes there was no queue in Tirupati but was there in Tiruchanoor. Amma Appa and I went to take our slippers off and join the queue. There was a security guard who stopped me asking if i had a good darshan. I bluntly responded that i hadnt yet gone in yet. He simply made a gesture for me to enter and by pass the queue with my family of course towing behind. I was shocked and amazed. He did not expect any money either. Went in and R and I managed to sit in front of the deity for a solid ten minutes while the pooja was performed. It was crowded, but we were allowed to sit there for sometime.

Fantastic Trip! I have washed away my sins for this quarter!

I am deaf!

2009-06-22T10:30:00.004+05:30

I detest it when people are loud. True there are occasions even when i can be exceptionally loud, but probably for the want of being heard. But when someone is close by and has to just make a point in an absolutely silent room, i dont understand the need to have to yell such that the surrounding ear drums take a flight to hell and back.

There have been several instances at work where ive forced myself to hold back. But there have been times when i just had to lose it. Three people conversing across two bays that are less than 5 feet apart. And how do they converse - 'What do you think about this...I think' - imagine you're friend is standing on top of a 50 foot tower and ur at the bottom and you are screaming at the top of your voice to let him know that the builiding is on fire! When these things happen a million swear words run thru my head and before they become vocal they sort of get caught somewhere in my anatomy that is still confused by the decibel volumes.

We went out for dinner yesterday. We were about 9 of us. Yes we were talking, but it was audible only to us. The entire restaurant was filled with people who wanted the world to know that they were there. It was ridiculously noisy. Still that was acceptable - sunday night, small place, crowded, couple of bday celebrations - cant really expect a funeral silence there can we. Unfortunate we got a table that was close to the buffet counter and also the gap between us and and the adjoining table was just over a foot.

A small kid walked by with her mum and while the mum whose eyes were only on the food went to the food counter, the kid probably saw a take diversion in her head, and turned the other side. Kids do these things (i presume) and I dont think is something to yell about. Being a small place the chances of the kid getting lost unless she had an invisibility cloak were very less. When the mother's attention turned from the deep fried patties to the baby, there was a thundering ' DONT GO THERE I AM HERE'. Well except the kid the whole world knew that by now. I was drinking some coffee shake and thought the glass would crumble in my hand. I stared blankly like someone had zapped me into going deaf. Mohi sitting opposite me reflected the same reaction as he was closer to the source of the explosion. I mentally strangled her!

For people who are loud:-

Remember there are people around you who are not deaf
Remember that in a silent room, even if u whisper the other person would hear
In a silent room if you want to make a point - Say It!. We can still hear
If you had swallowed an amplifier as a kid - time you swallowed a death pill. Excuses wont work.
If you're kid is not listening to you - yelling wont help. Remember he/she is still a kid.

I cant think of more. The deafness is still not cured. If you can think of more suggestions feel free to comment.

Bali Singa Kutty!

2009-06-08T14:30:00.001+05:30

With the marriage and reception over, we were all set to leave for Bali for our honeymoon. When im in a more *writing mood* i would write about the marriage and the reception. Now fresh in my mind is my encounter with my Singa Kutty (Lion Cub). For those stupid duffers who think im referring to my husband - well get a life!!!

We went to Bali zoo and there was a session when we could meet the animals. Raghu and I being animal fanatics jumped at the opportunity especially since we could carry a lion cub. Gosh i touched one when i was a kid in Mysore Zoo. I still treasure that half torn picture - digi cams were not even invented then.

Met a couple of animals and when it was time to meet the lion cub, we couldnt quite contain our excitement atleast i couldnt. The two brats came tumbling down the steps. Halt!! These are lion cubs not kittens. Do not try and pet them the normal way. They rolled around, fought with the zoo officials. A lady, amongst the audience, was the first to hold one up. She managed to while he literally wriggled in her hands. Next was my turn. Again he fought and wriggled as though i were trying to kill him. Heavy was an understatement to what he was - Buddy was a feather in comparison to this brat...ahem and Buddy is no lion.. sometimes i even wonder if he is a dog (will update).

All of us took turns in holding the lion cub. We were clearly told to keep hold it by the arms keeping it a safe distance away from our body. They were later put down and were playing with a couple of toys. One was distracted. Smart that i was, i decided to catch his attention by calling it like i would call a cat (not sure how i can express that calling). The cub barely looked. A couple of seconds later, what was a calling turned into a yelp. The brat pounced on my leg and nipped at it holding my leg with his paws and refusing to let go. A second later the official dragged him by the tail. Now anyone in their right mind, would remember that this was a lion cub not a cat. This was a wild animal. And me calling it like i would a cat was definitely neither appreciated nor accepted.

R couldnt control his laughter neither could anyone around...neither could i. Luckily it was just a nip and not a bite.

But still, i proudly profess that a lion pounced on me!!! :)

Bridge Over Troubled Water...

2009-06-05T18:15:00.003+05:30

One of my all time favourites...

When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I'm on your side. When times get rough
And friends just can't be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl, Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Sung by Simon and Garfunkel.
Music and Lyrics by Paul Simon, 1969.

What's in a name?

2009-06-04T11:50:00.004+05:30

I was inspired by a comment on my OOO reply to write this. A colleague, looking at my out of office reply, casually questioned if i had plans of changing my name post marriage - email id, signature etc. What was a casual statement, turned into a debate in my head. My colleague had also specified that this was not one of his chauvinistic views. Do not for a moment think im against changing my name - this was just a debate in my head and i had to get it out.

I'm married. My surname would change. I dont think i would call myself a feminist or someone with extreme libertarian views. During one of our lectures in Mass Communication (i did my MA in Mass Comm) a professor of mine had remarked that i was a feminist. I retaliated that I did not want my rights and recognition coz im a woman, i wanted it coz im a human being.

Back to name change - my dads name after my name stood for a lot of things. His stature, his name in society, the fact that i was his daughter and took after him in a lot of ways. It had been that way since the day i was born. As A, i was just another A. As AK, i was a lot more things. I stood for things, that were isolated to me, that represented who i was for 26 years of my existence. In school, in college and at work, AK was popularly known for being an all rounder, sports person, decent in academics, active in theatre, accident prone, extremely sensitive yet practical when it came to solving others problems, hardworking, confused etc.

Now in my current situation, do i need to rework all that i had done and all that i had been. Do i need to build a new image of myself in tune with what my surname would be. Or do i simply change the name and continue being me and let people figure out that AK and AR are one and the same.

Another thought, why at all should a woman have her husband's/father's name after hers. Socially acceptable? Cant i just add some nice name post mine, maybe an adjective or something that signifies 'ME'. The same colleague also stated that changing my name was socially acceptable and i wouldnt have to answer too many questions.

Do we all, always do what is socially acceptable. Im going off on a different tangent but i need these threads to keep my thoughts intact. Again, who defines what is socially acceptable? Society, people, the scriptures, saints. What is socially acceptable would have to be what is personally acceptable.

I will change my name - not because im personally convinced that thats the best idea in the world. System has been that way and since I'm a part of the system i would have to do what it take to ensure its smooth functioning.. I'm not yet there to be radical in my views like Swaminathan Anklesaria Aiyer (my colleague reminded me of him). I would do what is done, even though i debate with myself and come to no conclusion. The solution remains unchanged.

Color Blind

2009-05-23T10:47:00.001+05:30

Picking from a post that Vrinda had written, there never is a drive without atleast 5 ppl driving like they owned the road, 2 ripping past you like they were finding the quickest way to hell and the decent few who drove from A to B just so they had to.
This instance though has nothing to do with driving. Abhi and i were doing some wedding shopping (ahem yes im Married). Taking suggestions from friends, we decided to head to Man Mandir and couple of other saree shops in Nungambakkan, for my reception saree. We had some work for my passport. Finished that and headed for Nungambakkam.
Narain (my driver since i was in the 6th Standard), parked the car right outside the complex. I was on the phone trying to figure out if i had submitted all the documents for my passport. I was leaning against the door. I noticed a lady walking in front of my car (Tavera). She was noticeable, coz on a sunny bright day, she was wearing a bright red silk shirt and dyed henna hair and of course skin tucked in with a 100 face lifts.
Luckily Narain and Abhi noticed her too. Why lucky, coz she walked straight upto my door and opened it!!! - remember i was leaning on the door and was on the phone. Abhi literally caught my leg and Narain yanked me by the hand else i would have been on the pavement on my back with limbs in the air - typical Buddy pose! I had no idea how to react but a 'Whaddya think you're doing' came out while trying to catch my breath, recovering from the catastrophe that almost happened. Her reaction was - Oops sorry i thought it was my car. She shut the door and left.
The 3 of us were stunned. What just happened??? The dimwit walked in front of the car, got into a Red Safari and went away.
Now, i have a silver Chevrolet Tavera - SILVER. Her car was a red Safari - RED. Had it been two different cars of the same color, or maybe the same model car of the same color - I totally understand this confusion. Who in their right mind and sight, would confuse Red with Silver.
We tried justifying - and we found absolutely no reasons!

She was pure dumb. Or she was some long lost enemy of mine, who wanted to see me fall!

I overtook a BMW!!!

2009-05-20T08:58:00.003+05:30

Explaining the title would take a while. An interesting day that began with me swearing at a Honda City guy. Well i was riding my bike to the gym at 6.25 am and this chappie tries showing off his stunts - to be more precise - tries to run me over only to realise his bumper was inches from a bus! God bless State Transport. I did my bit of swearing at the Honda City and went my way.

I wasn't sure how the day was gonna be considering it started off so eventfully - nah im not superstitious. On my way to work, i got stuck in a signal - which was not working. The policeman decided to block our side of the traffic and allow the other side. 5 mins and the signal started working and bingo we were not the first to be released. Grrr another 3 mins of standing under the sun. Life could get no better. i had a free road, with not much traffic. Whizzed ahead.

I have this attraction to BMW's (probably coz i was so sure i would never own one), so when i see one, my head automatically turns, even a 180 degree if possible. Who cares if i crashed - I crashed while i looked at a BMW! Even on the way to the airport, i make it a point to strain my neck as much as possible for a glance at the mean machine. Not like Chennai is some village where people ride elephants to work - its just some kind of magnetic attraction.

Well back to my journey - I saw this super sexy black BMW cruising quite ahead of me. In a moment of madness one does not know what one does. I had this weird fantasy that i was racing with this car. A black Honda Dio vs a black BMW. I was riding at 60 kmph so was the car. In a couple of seconds i raced ahead and the BMW was left way behind. My heart leaped. I had raced ahead of a BMW! If you join in my celebration - stop reading here, for a bite of reality go further.

In reality, had the owner decided to actually drive it the way it should be driven, the impact of this car racing past me would be enough to have me sitting in Neel Metal Fanalica (version 2.0 of Onyx Kuppa thotti).

Still - i raced past a BMW!!!

Excuses! Dialogues!

2009-04-01T19:28:00.005+05:30

This happened last August. I was on my way to Allahabad on some work. I had to take a flight to Delhi and from there to Allahabad. Luckily it was the same airline, so i could do a through check in - or so i thought.

My flight to Delhi, was the first IA flight out from Chennai in the morning - to be precise at 6.40 am. My plan was to wake up by 4.30 and leave by 5, which meant even if there was traffic (what if some big shot happened to take a morning stroll next to the airport....rite totally)i would still manage to reach. Anyways my plan was to ensure i reach the airport by 5.45 latest knowing that my constant 'snoozing' of my alarm would make me reach by 6 which was still fine.

Well, i woke up at 5.45! I literally ran all around the house getting ready. I left home at 6.15. I was surely gonna miss my flight. Worst part, was i couldnt even take the next flight coz the time it reached Delhi would be the time the flight from Delhi to Allahabad was to take off and i was no Aishwarya Rai for them to hold the flight back for me.

Reached the airport at 6.30. Super - my flight was at 6.40. Ran to IA counter only for them to tell me that the counter was closed and nothing could be done. Were they talking a language i understood or was it my mind playing tricks??? Excuses - i had to make an excuse. They might be able to stop that flight and i could run, Tamil Hero style and swing into it through some shaft on the first floor in the airport!

Went to the IA office. There was a senior officer who started advising me on keeping time, on how it was important to reach on time etc. Dude i knew that, i did not follow that hence I'm late - i did not say that, but that was exactly what was running thru my head. I started making up stories saying i was from a different place, i had just reached Chennai that morning by train, that i was not well - a laundry list of excuses. I was surprised the officer actually listened to the nonsense i was saying (it was nonsense in the true sense).

I even told him, i had chosen to fly IA coz i thought their service was the best! Also that i was using the same airline till Allahabad. Not working. Finally, one last theatrical attempt. Out came a dialogue (which in Tamil literally translates as 'Neenga manasu vecha.....") "Sir, I'm sorry Im late, but if you make up your mind and made the attempt, i will be on board that flight". Whoa - it worked!!! Next minute, he had my boarding pass issued till Allahabad and had me whizzing to security check

Thought id just run and jump into the flight - there was a huge queue for security check and i had to carry my luggage as well coz i couldnt check in the baggage. The security guard would not allow me to get ahead. Dialogues would not work on him - he knew Hindi only!. I was right at the back of a 47 member queue (i actually counted). After all that drama and dialogue, i was gonna miss my flight :(.

Well my Hero did not let me down. He appeared out of nowhere and asked why i was in queue. I squarely blamed it on the security guard. In a min, myself and 3 other passengers whizzed past security check and literally ran to the flight. As i entered the flight (worst moment), i literally tumbled, toppled and landed inside - the entire passenger bunch looked up. The flight was full, saving 4 seats and all of their eyes were on me. I quietly looked down, and walked to my seat and handed over my luggage to the steward who was kind enough to not smirk at me.

Phew....on that day i swore (i maintain it till date) that were i to take an early morning flight, i would not sleep the previous night at all!!!

Bumpy 5km for 10 bucks more!

2009-03-25T17:28:00.003+05:30

Im blogging coz i have time in my hands and have this urge to write so dont wonder how i managed 2 posts in one day.

I was all set to leave for office today. Normal day. Went to the garage to take my bike and it was hard to drag out. Beautiful - flat tyre!. Walked down to the end of the road, found an auto, bargained and got in.

My super auto walla - i decide to call him Palani - why coz he had his auto windshield covered with Lord Muruga's pics. In a few seconds i was sure this was not gonna be a perfect ride to office. The road was empty, well close to empty. Atleast the car in front was 10 metres away which was saying a lot at that time. Well Palani decided i had all the time in the world to reach office. The auto crawled at less than 20 km/hr when the road was empty!!! He continued to crawl while cyclists overtook us. My route to office is simple. Home, Madhya Kailash Signal, IIT, Anna University, Raj bhavan, Alexander Square, SPIC, ABT and bingo i would reach.

He decided to take a shortcut to the main road. A regular shortcut only so i wasnt too surprised. He took another detour which much to my dismay was blocked! Super! Got back to the short cut and somehow reached the main road with a bus almost toppling us over. We reached Madhya Kailash signal. The signal was amber and Palani should have made up his mind whether to cross or not. Which he obviously did not coz he came to a screeching halt some feet after the stop line

Very thoughtful of him to get down and push the auto back, from 5 feet ahead of the Stop line to 2 feet ahead of the stop line. Now by Indian standards (for those returning to India with pseudo accents and pretend that elephants cross the road) even 10 feet is acceptable. The minute Palani pushed the auto back, the policeman himself called and asked the vehicles to advance by 10 feet. I tried hard not to laugh.

We advanced ahead and again the road was pretty empty and Palani was at his slowest best. The next signal saw a traffic jam. The man who so long did not dare overtake a snail, decided to poke his way through the smallest of spaces. I was shocked and also embarrassed coz i could hear a bunch of people swearing at us. Hello im the passenger not the driver!!! A ford Ikon passing by, hurled a bunch of abuses coz our man stuck himeslf so close to the car that even if he moved an inch there would have been a beautiful scar.

Crossed the signal, again the road got a bit free. Three autos overtook us, ripping ahead. Palani, full enthu decided he was a racer and started accelerating. We were probably going at about 40 which still was saying a lot. We were close to office and we had to take a turn under the bridge. What does Palani do - goes straight and forgets that my office was in the opposite direction. After literally jumping on his head, he stopped pushed the vehicle back and took the turn.

My journey was almost done. The road was being laid and was half done. So one side was sort of higher than the other. What does Palani do? One rear wheel on the higher side and one rear wheel on the lower side. Wow! Talk about sense of balance. We had almost reached - Palani did not want me to forget this ride. There was a busstop right outside the road where my office was, the bus was just moving. My great chauffeur for the day, decided he would overtake a moving bus on the right and then take a left turn!!

After some more abuses, we finally turned into the road. I had bargained for a price, i ended up paying 10 bucks extra for showing me every bump that existed on the 5 km ride to office!

Calicut

2009-03-25T10:01:00.003+05:30

This happened sometime last July. I did not quite have the time to pen it down coz work was at its peak. We had finished some work in Calicut. And i had a flight the next morning from Calicut to Chennai. The airport is about 35 Km outside the city and my flight was at around 10.30 am.

I had planned to leave the hotel by about 8.00. Even if it took an hour i would reach by 9.00, which gave me sufficient time to get through check in and security check. I had booked a cab, completed my packing and was all set to start. I even left early, i was out of the hotel by 7.45. Perfect - or so i thought. It had been raining the previous day and had continued through the morning.

Pretty heavy rain but visibility was good. We were driving down. Got out of the city and we were on the highway. Light traffic - not something to worry about. We had done about 20 km and had taken a turn towards the airport. The little towns were starting to disappear and there was one lonely stretch only surrounded by trees very typical of Kerala. I was admiring the rain and the lush green, and thinking about how a day in such a place would be worth a thousand holidays.

Pfffffftt.. the cab stuttered, splattered and came to a grinding halt. I thought, perhaps it was coz of the rain and few minutes would get it going. Well, the vehicle just refused to start. As in, there was just no sound at all when the driver turned the key. In my broken Malayalam i tried figuring out what was happening. Rain outside, isolated area, 10 km to the airport, it was already 9.00 - totally my idea of perfection. The driver told me there was no way the cab was gonna start. If another cab had to come from Calicut it would take atleast 45 mins. Which meant, the cab would come say by 9.45 and i would reach the airport only around 10.15 - no chance was i to catch the flight.

The worst part was, there was only one flight out of Calicut in the morning. If i missed that i would have to take a flight in the evening, and that too on a totally different carrier. Super. I begged the driver to even stop a passing lorry so that i would get to the nearest town where i could possibly get an auto. Much to my dismay - not a single lorry passed that way. Arggggghhh!!!

Finally an auto passed and to my luck it was empty. Yahooooo!. My driver stopped him, and the auto guy agreed to drop me off at the airport. It was around 9.20 - i would somehow reach. I thanked my stars - only too soon. The auto choked and stopped exactly 1 km before the airport. I was actually thinking of carrying my luggage and laptop and running the last kilometer. The auto guy was determined to make the vehicle move. He yanked the self start. The engine slowly came to life. Hallelujah!!!! The auto moved. I could see the airport. I would have cried.

I went in thinking things would be a cake walk after that. Well the day was meant to be tough and i had no choice. My flight was from the international terminal as it was either going to some place in the Gulf after a stop over in Chennai or was coming from somewhere - no clue. I went in with my luggage and was told to go for immigration. Huh!! Im going to CHENNAI from CALICUT - why wud i go thru immigration. I had to and I did. After that i was asked to get some no due or some dumb form signed. I really wondered if i was gonna be packed of to some 'Al Habada' kind of place surrounded by men in white robes.

Finally, i was put through security check and i went up to the waiting lounge. My first sight - it was isolated and there was not a single soul. I walked a little ahead and saw a couple of signboards. Voila - i did not have to go to 'Al Habada' to see men in white robes - they were right here in front of my eyes. Was i really in Calicut?

I sat for a bit awaiting for my flight announcement. My flight was announced - it was not clear but from what i could make out it sort of sounded like 'all passengers travelling on blah blah blah to Sharjah are requested to board through gate no. blah'. Hello that was my flight, i was going to Chennai - WTH was it going to Sharjah. I walked to the Gate - and managed to find some folks from the Airline - told them i was going to Chennai and why on earth was my flight going to Sharjah. They were like - Madam ur flight is coming from Sharjah and its final destination is Chennai. Phew!!!

I got into the flight. It was packed. There were Indians of all shapes and sizes and of course smells. It smelled like i had walked into a perfumery where fish was being cooked. Good god how was i to survive! I found my seat - luckily no one was sitting beside me. Divine intervention!!! There were three guys behind my seat - not something that i cared about except that they sang some crappy Tamil song ( i like Tamil songs but the one they were singing was downright crap) repeatedly till we landed in Chennai.

Kamaraj airport came into sight. My journey was drawing to a close. I was relieved. My relief was short lived. We were at the international terminal - no issues this time coz i knew i would be out and home in an hour. Well if i had the chance to walk out on ground level that would have happened. There was some renovation work happening - i walked up 4 floors on a spiral stairway before taking the escalator down 4 floors on the other side. Arggggggggggghhh this could get no better.

Luckily, my luggage came out fast and within minutes i was out breathing Chennai 'smoke -filled' air - a relief for the first time!!!

An event to remember...

2009-02-27T16:37:00.008+05:30

We were a team of four and had gone to Tirunelveli and Kanyakumari for branding and registration. To some colleges, we went alone and to some we went in teams of 2
I clearly recall this college to which Reshma and I went to. Well the college folks had actually helped us in getting accommodation in Kanyakumari. So hospitable they were that they landed up at 11 pm to receive us in Kanyakumari. Groggy and half asleep we struggled to smile and make conversation. The funny part was, the Vice Principal had come along! I thought that was unbelievably sweet of them – well I had a surprise. The Vice Principals’ daughter had been recruited by us and he had come to meet me to ask her DOJ. Aha!!! Now I knew why he was there, with offer letter and all in hand.

The next day we went to their college just before lunch time. The college – Nesamani Memorial College, was in NAgercoil, about 40 km from Kanyakumari. We reached and were taken to the Principal’s room, sans Principal. We sat waiting with the Vice Principal and the Placement Co ordinator, struggling to make conversation. Well, I also had a nature call to attend and did not know how to ask. Finally, unable to control I asked the Placement co ordinator in very gentile terms if there would be a ‘rest room’ there. He very promptly responded, that we would be going to the Conference Room and I could rest there!!
Luckily, the Vice Principal understood and directed me, before I decided that the Conference Room was my destiny. We headed towards the auditorium where the presentation was to be made. Quite a walk to the block though. Reshma felt it was extremely impolite that we couldn’t make much conversation and decided she would break the uneasy silence.

Reshma : “ Sir is this block new. It looks like its newly constructed”
Placement Co ordinator : “ Madam its 15 years old”

My reaction to Reshma – BULB!!!

We proceeded to the 1st floor where the auditorium was. As we stepped into the corridor adjacent to the auditorium , we hear music blaring from inside. What song – a typical Rajinikanth Song – welcoming us. I really wished I could turn around and fly. Luckily the music was turned off. We went, did the presentation. There were around 200 students. About 30 of them would have heard about our company– how – through the brochure we had distributed. Extremely motivating indeed.
WE were done and the Vice Principal delivered the vote of thanks. He very sweetly thanked “ Mr. Aarthi Krishnamoorthy” and “ Ms. Sushma”. Err were we even there. I was certainly not a cross dressed man!! And neither had Reshma’s dad change her name and inform the college first! We were totally blank.

The rest was eventless with multiple stakeholders of the college telling us how great the college was. Oh yea we totally knew!!!

Complacency?

2008-12-03T16:23:00.003+05:30

Very interestingly, i was on my to the railway station to board the 9.30 train to Bangalore and when i reached the station all i could feel was terrible pain in my stomach. No i hadnt tried eating a cow or anything. Our immediate thought somehow also reels toward what we ate last. I had had a safe home cooked dinner. The thought struck me then. I had just travelled on a Chennai road post the rains. The road... well lets just say the path that leads from Adyar was dismal. Actually thats understating it, putting it lightly.

I wonder sometimes, - is it so goddamn tough to lay a decent road once and for all and forget about it. Everytime it rains, everytime theres some construction, the roads become like some kind of torture sentence doled out to prisoners. Im sure the suspension of the car, must have wept crocodile tears. I did not quite know i was on the way to that as well.

Bridges collapse, drainages overflow, electrical infrastructure collapses, lakhs of people are homeless and roads simply dont exist. Does it take a super human to do even these correctly! A good road, a safe bridge and a reliable drainage system. Is that too much to ask being citizens who regularly pay our tax and still we see no comfort.

Whatever!!

Tsunami!

2008-11-25T19:24:00.002+05:30

A misleading title!

When we lost Ranger, we vowed never to get a dog again. Well there was only a certain limit to which i could control myself. Though i knew mum would hang me and dad would disown me, after much debate, Abhi myself and Mohee went and picked up a pup - a fawn lab. The first thing he did was to chew the sacred thread on Abhi's wrist. Ranger was back! I was sure of that.

We brought him home. One week of battle for mum and dad to accept him. Funny though it sounds, i even threatened to leave the house with this new pup. We named him Buddy.

Buddy - the name sounds all sweet, and cuddly. Much later we felt, we should have named him Tsunami. He literally runs around the house and chews anything he can lay his eyes on. Mind you, even if it were 3 times his size he doesnt care too much.

He's four months old now. He wakes up at 5 am and howls till Mum feeds him his Oats and Milk. He will scratch the door, if any of us decided to go for a bath. If mum arranges all his play things (which includes a coconut shell!!!), his immediate task would be to topple the whole thing over. Before he sleeps, he ensures that his duties are done - ripping whichever news paper is around!

Inspite of all this, well he sure is a bundle of joy. Much of what he does resembles Ranger. The places where he sleeps, the way he sits, the things he chews, including pulling out the Washing machine tube only to end up with a whole lot of water on his head!

Welcome back Ranger aka Buddy!

Ranger's gone...

2008-04-21T19:08:00.004+05:30

I never thought id bring myself to write this. For those with pets, you would understand what it is like to put your pet down. For those who dont, its the most excruciating pain one could ever feel. Atleast for me, it took a while to get out of that trauma.
Ranger, Mr Fawn Labby, came in as the master clown. I had a lhasaapso who passed away. We couldn't think of not having a pet and went ahead and bought this lil rat of a dog. He was thin and his tail was like a stick. The day he came, he gobbled bowls full of dhal and rice. Really wondered if we had got a dog.

Over the period of years, he grew to be a handsome, sleek labrador who would run like a horse. True, sleek labradors are probably an oxymoron, but he sure was muscular and when he ran, all the birds around would fly for their life. If it was s turkey he would make sure to prod them with his nose. After a bath he used to do what we fondly call ' train driving'. Simple exercise. He would be dripping wet. He would come straight to the carpet or sofa and rub his nose running it from one corner to the other. At the end, he would victoriously sit on the sofa as though to say, 'phew im done!'. He also loved chewing the sofa handles. He had a knack of ripping a full coconut from its husk. He would hold it between his paws and slowly gradually peal the whole thing. Saved us the trouble of getting someone to do it.

He had been the eternal clown. Mum had a way of calling him and he would tilt his head so unbelievably cute, like he totally understood every word Amma said. We were members of a club, on the outskirts of the city. It was adjacent to a paddy field. Many a time, Ranger would go missing and amidst the green we would see this speck of whitish brown jumping up and down. What would he be doing?? Chasing the birds!! Running in the water. We would be rest assured that he would return in a totally different color.

The same club had a swimming pool surrounded by trees. After a long time, Amma decided to take a dip. What did Ranger do?? He walked straight onto the ledge of the pool, hit mum with his paw on her head while she was leaning against the ledge and next minute was waddling around in the pool. All dogs were natural swimmers, this dog was a natural cartoon. There was never a silent moment with him around.

A few years back he had a fall which really disrupted his life. The healthy energetic dog found it hard to even stand. He did not walk for close to 2 months. He was on physiotherapy and we slowly nursed him back to health. Still he had ruined his hip and back legs. Days went by, he did manage even with the pain, still we knew he was growing old.

Couple of months back he found it tough to even stand or walk down the steps. We stopped taking him for walks coz we knew he was in too much pain. On Feb 25th 2008, Ranger refused to get up. As in he was awake but could not get up even on his forepaws. We suspected he had sprained himself or something. We took him to the doctor. He recommended an xray but told us nothing was wrong. He was put on some strong medecines.

He spent his entire day lying down. I would rest his head on my lap and feed him. He would pass motion lying down and we spent half our life cleaning him. Poor chap. The good thing was he was atleast assured we would clean him up and had no qualms about dirtying the place. Through the night he would whine. Either amma or I would be up.

We spent sleepless nights and he was showing no signs of improvement. The rest of his senses were perfect. He even bit me two days before he passed away. Not being able to take it anymore, we took him to another vet who had treated him the last time he had a fall. Ranger also had a small swelling on his head. The Vet clearly said, that he would either have to have surgery and chances of cure are less else we would have to put him down. I controlled myself from crying so did Amma and Abhi. I had come on my bike straight from work, so i had the freedom to cry on my way back.

The next day we took him to the hospital. Doctors checked him. Recommended another bunch of xrays and blood tests. We were sort of mentally prepared that we would not come back with him that day. We all cried profusely that morning bidding him farewell. I kept telling mum he would come back. And sure enough he did. The test results were expected the next day. Through the night he cried. Almost a foreboding to death. I slept by his side and he continued to yelp in pain or misery.

WE went back to the hospital the next day, March 27th. Doctor clearly said there was no way he was going to walk again. The bump on his head was a soft tissue growth and had rapidly spread through his body affecting his thoracic cage. It was a matter of time that he would pass away. The vet clearly said we had to put him down.

Even in the last stages, things were getting dragged. I was uncontrollable so was mum and dad. Abhi had an examination so good thing he wasnt around. The anethesia needed was not available. After much running around, we got it in the hospital. We were just going to put him down, when my old vet came up and confused us saying we need not put him down. More confusion. We were terrified that we were making a mistake. Our current vet, came back and the two of them had a discussion.

We had no choice, he had to go else the other option was steroids to give him energy and morphine to kill the pain. In his last moments, he had look of fear in his eyes. Mum and I couldnt stop crying. I held on to his head along with mum and kept stroking his body. Dad was behind him. The doctor injected the anesthesia. Within a matter of seconds, Ranger grew drowsy. Soon the medecine also was injected and within a matter of seconds he was gone. The lil rat who had grown to be a handsome prince and a dignified adult, was gone.

We wrapped him in a sheet. Took him to mums school. Mum had informed her staff to make the necessary arrangements. The vet had given us the option of leaving him back in the hospital and they would use him as a specimen for study. Surprisingly dad was for it. Mum and i were furious. No way were were going to leave this lil guy here to be ripped apart and studied. He was ours, and would always be ours.

We reached Mums school. Buried him and did all the final rites that anyone would do for a human being. We covered the pit and he now lies under the shade of a tree with Amma's room overlooking it.

Ranger, from the time you came you brought with you tremendous love and happiness. The joy of taking care of you and loving you was truly beyond compare. Your body may have gone, yet you live on in our hearts, in our minds.... Love you always..

Love you....

2008-02-19T18:19:00.006+05:30

A person. People. Coming and going. Not sure why they play such an important role. At some point I might be referring to you. YOU.. yes you sir and you madam. So to your fantasy and to your imagination. Do not question me, you would get no answers. Why do i love you. I love you coz I'm ME when im with you...

I love you because you tell me that the world is certainly not a bed of roses and you make me feel the thorns. I love you coz you tell me when i make a mistake even though it would kill me to listen to it. I love you coz you approve when i look good and when you dont like what I'm wearing you make no effort to hide your displeasure. I love you coz you make fun of me not knowing cooking and fixing tea which is obviously not too tough to make. I love you coz you painstakingly explained how to make Paneer butter masala and Masala Chai at 6 am. I love you coz you listen to me even though im only rambling on. I love you coz you shush me when i crib about others.

I love you coz you've learnt things in life the hard way and you don't gloat about it. I love you coz you love telling me stories about life, even though i would have already heard it. I love you coz you are so very practical and stuck with an emotional wreck with me. I love you coz even if i cry and pull the roof down, you would yawn and tell me you were sleepy. I love you coz you reply with a simple 'K' to a message where i would have poured my heart out. I love you when you make all philosophical quotes which make no sense to me and you would take the trouble to explain it. I love you coz you tease me and make sure that i get pissed off. I love you when you scold me knowing full well that i would keep quiet and listen.I love you coz you can stick your head into the tv and watch cricket while i would be coughing my lungs out

I love you coz you hug me tight when I'm in pain. I love you coz you hold my hand just to let me know you're there. I love you when you simply understand without having for me to say anything. I love you coz you enjoy my company...atleast you say so. I love you coz i can cry without feeling ashamed. I love you even though it hurts to know that no matter how much i love you... you would never be mine.

Claustrophobia...

2007-12-27T13:13:00.001+05:30

This was yet again one of those matrimonial fiascos. Was kind of different this time. Mum said there was an alliance. A good one. Great. As usual, horoscope matching was done. Our astrologer said there were some issues but the guys side told us all was fine and was not something to worry about. Mum was not really convinced but decided to meet our astrologer again a little later. However, she did give my number to the guy and asked us to go ahead and talk.

Was pretty ok to talk to him. Atleast there was a certain comfort feel established. However, there was always this demand on time. Had spoken to him once and the next day there was this thing about speaking for another 15 mins and another and another.. I was not too comfortable with that. Moroever, this was after 10 pm. Im usually half asleep by then. Tried to restrict it a bit, but somehow, there was this constant demand on time, which i was just not too ok with. Also asking if i reached home on time, if i left office, why i was still in office, ....these kind of questions from someone who knew me for 3 days!!!!

We had spoken for about 3 - 4 days. He was good to talk to. Was passionate about his job though im not sure if he loved what he did. Travelling was common for me. I travel almost every week. Was just getting ready to leave and got a message asking... if i had packed, how i was getting to the station, which station, etc etc etc.... something snapped. Agreed, this was concern or care...but from my side it was the onset of claustrophobia. I hardly knew this person. I was being practical and here he was getting emotionally attached. He was not the only alliance. Had been transparent about that. Its not about choices or choosing the best option, but it was about being careful thats all and of course not wanting to make any mistakes.

AFter that message, something did snap. Told mum to double check the horoscope match. Told him that I had asked mum to do it. He wanted to know if my decision was based on the horoscope matching. It was. Im not an astrology believer but i was in no mood to go against mum. And right now, just ok with listening to what she says. No energy for anything :).

Anyways the horoscope thing did not match. Luckily i had asked mum to double check before things went further. Communicated the same to the guy. That ended there. He did mail after that... was not sure if i wanted to reply...and till this minute have not replied.. and dont think i will either.

Im ok...seriously am. Like i said i might sound callous, but i was practical about the whole thing and not emotional. Once bitten twice shy!!

Unknowlingly Feeling...

2007-11-06T09:34:00.000+05:30

Tears, unstoppable
Pain, beyond compare,
A few words, piercing
Such an agony never before known.
Cutting, slicing through each vein,
Rattling questions
Guilt? Shame?
Running away, running behind,
Memories, a blink of an eye
Moments, fleeting past
Complete surrender,
Would one side suffice?
Moving on, with no sense of direction
No path this is, strewn with roses.
Love saves. Love redeems.
This love, would it?
Yearning, the touch that soothes,
Longing, for the look that heals,
Desiring, for the smile that lights up
Would this all be washed away
A million questions,
Answers though none.
Groping, the darkness engulfs,
Swallowing me whole.
Never fear, it is only the night.

Checking...double checking, rechecking..

2007-10-25T12:16:00.002+05:30

Its locked. Hmm let me recheck. Yupp its locked. But what if i yanked it a bit and the lock broke.Yank!. Its still locked. Alright, confident, time to go to bed. Not sure what kind of phobia this is or if it even qualifies as a phobia, but I generally tend to check, double check and recheck locks and bolts quite a few times (thrice to be precise) before I actually decide that no skilled thief is gonna break in and steal stuff from my house.

Kinda crazy i know. Somehow this practise has stuck on for several years and try as i might cant quite change it. The funny part is, i saw a film the other day, a Jack Nicholson flick, where he checks a door thrice before deciding it was locked. Thrice here as well!!! Yikes, reality kinda hit hard. Is that what i looked like? Yanking a door before i decided it was locked?? Me? Yupp pretty much. I watched that film sometime back, and was quite sure i resembled a clown had someone really noticed me in the act of checking locks and bolts.

Ive stopped being the person to check doors before sleeping. The routine thoroughly tires me out. My brother has taken over. Funnily, the other day, while he was checking the grill door in the verandah, I was ironing my clothes near by, I noticed my brother yanking the lock. Shocked, surprised, are these things hereditary as well. Did he see me do this or was it a natural instinct. Not too sure about that. Tried following my mum and dad around the house when they were bolting up to notice any similar traits. They were wondering if I was snooping around for something. Weird. Strange. Dont think i will ever find out if its just something unique or if i can blame my genes!!!

Taking time...

2007-10-22T10:05:00.000+05:30

This is not some gyan on focus, moving in the right direction or any of those things. Just a passing thought which i felt should be put down. There have been so many instances where I've found myself literally wasting my energy. Simple example, getting angry and screaming at someone. Im not saying that you should not get angry at all. Sometimes you just cant do anything, and you need to lose it. Last time, i was on the verge of losing it, I went for a walk. Sounds dumb I know. Someone I knew was driving me nuts. I was close to telling him to take a hike. I did not want to shout. Simply kept quiet and listened to what he had to say. Once he was done, I was fuming. Smoke literally coming out of my eyes and ears! I decided to take a walk. A walk in the office??? Not a bad idea actually. Luckily it was kind of late in the evening so was cool. Just walked around for about 15 mins. When i returned to my desk, somehow a lot of things fell into perspective. True, at the spur of the moment, I was furious. Thinking things through, i realised that there were some things I had to change and perhaps work on to make life better. I did just that.

Another simple example of missing someone. Sometimes, you miss someone too much that you could sit and pine and whine all day. Why do that?? In my case, since i work out when i can, my gym was my let out. A good workout, an hour and a half of taking your mind of something, maybe someone. Sure does a world of good. I had a great workout, 1 hour of cardio and 30 mins of floor exercises, stretches. I came back home feeling ecstatic.

Emotions are not a waste of time. However the amount of energy we spend on expressing them, can be utilised more effectively doing something constructive. Enough for now...Laterzzz!

Cricket?@!@#

2007-09-18T17:58:00.000+05:30

I'm sure every human being on this planet, atleast those who are not cricket fanatics would agree with this. At home I have a brother who lives, eats, sleeps cricket. Bad enough, one adult individual to drive me up the well, my dad also joins in. Weekdays, normally, during dinner we sit together in front of the tv for dinner. We watch a couple of popular serials for about an hour. As usual there are a million breaks. And flip!!! The commentary begins. Mum and I silently bear this torture. Ok, if there were a live match, maybe India was playing or it was some interesting match, understandable. But flipping to cricket, to watch a match from the 1980's!!!!

Weekends, Mum and I normally get sometime to watch a film or some interesting programs. Then again, if theres a match, Mum can retire to going through classifieds and I can either prove invisible or read a book or basically grumble such that no one cares. The game is interesting. Sports is good. Good, happy, proud of it. But consideration for others, sort of disappears when this game is turned on. The fact that there are two other individuals in the house who might have some kind of interest and maybe require a break too - errr who cares!!!

I have a friend. He's nuts about cricket. He usually mails me when in office. And the day goes, just exchanging mails. A great friend. Someone i cannot do without. He drives me crazy sometimes, but still a great guy. There was a day he wasnt in office. Why coz he was sick? Poor chap was running a fever after getting drenched in the rain. Didn't really want to disturb him by messaging too much. Constantly checked how he was. He simply replied 'Betr' or something equally informative. Figured he must be resting. Post noon, asked him what he was doing all day. 'Watching Cricket'. That was the longest message he sent the entire day. Something snapped in my head. There were few more messages that went back and forth, and I simply said bye!!!. I have no intentions of messaging. He takes leave to recuperate. He's too sick to message. But he's perfectly ok to sit and watch a bunch of loonies running around the field chasing a ball that's almost always elusive!!! Argghhh

Honestly I have nothing against the game as such. Ive lived in a family, that lives on cricket, with an exception of mum of course - Thank God for some miracles!!! The game is fine, just like every other sport. What drives me nuts, is the hype. The constant banter on how the 'Men in Blue' need to prove themselves. You want to prove yourselves, you darned well play well. You dont need a commentator to tell you that. People make and lose more money, simply sponsoring cricket, than some people earn their entire lives!!

Search me, I fail to understand this game's greatness!!!

The loss of a pet...

2007-09-13T07:55:00.000+05:30

Why this topic is significant now? Munch messaged last night. Her fiance's dog had passed away and she was crying. She did not know whether she was crying coz her fiance was crying or because the dog had passed away. Called her. I knew there was nothing you can tell anyone at this point of time. Munch sobbed, saying Benji was the only dogged who liked her. Tried making her laugh, telling id give her candy for a week and she could decide whether to keep her or not. Candy sure does have a way with people. Munch finally laughed a bit. Had to crash, so told her to relax and things will work out. Also offered to buy her in laws another dog when i went down to Cochin.

What is it like to lose a pet? Its the worst thing that can possible happen. I have lost people, i have also lost a dog. Somehow when i lost Smudge, my lhasaapso, I was devastated and it took me quite a while to get back to normal. With people, I did not have much of a problem. The sadness was there no doubt, the intensity varied.

Smudge, came to me as a pup. Mum and Dad decided it was time I got a dog. I was simply crazy about them. In my neighbourhood, I knew the name of every single dog, but not their owner. Also, all stray dogs had a name. Having cats at home was common, but somehow i could never really cuddle a cat. We saw some ads in the paper and decided to go and see some pups. Went to a house where there were about 7 aapso pups. The owner opened the door, and balls of white wool came rolling out. All of them ran straight for the food bowl and gobbled up whatever was there. One little one, trudged behind and came in last. He wasnt too healthy. The rest were fighting over the food bowl, but this little one came straight to me and tugged at my lace. I know it sounds like its straight out of a fairy tale. It is true though. Somehow I knew, he was the one. I picked him up. He had the most amazing eyes simply begging me to take him. Decided, bought and we went home. He curled up on the car seat and fell asleep.

Smudge's existence was brief. He lived only for 2 and half years. During his time, he carried himself like a king, yet was also the most affectionate dog in the world. The minute we reached home, he would bow low like he was welcoming us. He would howl when he heard indian music. Western music was something that usually put him to sleep. This was Smudge in a nutshell. He was prone to diseases, as he had protruding jaw. His last few days were absolute hell. Mum would rush him to the hospital everyday. Finally on August 14th 1997, he passed away. Mum did not tell me. She said he had been kept in the hospital for observation. I knew it was over. The next day, i was leaving for school for Independence Day celebration. Mum quietly told me the truth. I did not react. I was numb. I went to school. The celebration was over. There was a prof in school who was as crazy about dogs as I was. Mum had taught her and she taught me. She was the reason I fell in love with History and continued to take it in high school.She enquired about Smudge. Quietly told her he passed away the previous day. I broke down in the school car park. She tried consoling me, I sobbed uncontrollably. I couldnt quite get myself to accept it. The sad thing was, the day before he passed away, as i was just leaving for school, I saw him lying on the doormat. Something told me to speak to him. I did that. Just put him on my lap and told him he was the best part of my life and that I loved him. Also told him that I wanted him to fight, but if it hurt too much to go to sleep. My lil one could not take the pain, coz he decided to sleep.

Days went on. We were all silent at home. We hardly talked to each other. It was crazy. Somehow like darkness had decided that we would be the target. There were so many things that we had discussed with Smudge, that we could not discuss with each other. He did not just die with his own pain, but with ours as well. Our sorrows was his, our joys were his as well. He was too much a part of us.

We couldnt take it after a point. We went to the vet, and asked him if he had any dog. He answered positively. He had a lab, who was given as a gift to the minister and was treated really badly. We couldnt care less what or who he was. We agreed to take him. Ranger entered our lives. His tail was like a rat's tail He was thin. Hadnt eaten a decent meal. We took him home and he devoured bowls of rice and dal. I couldnt quite relate much to Ranger. Smudge was still the one. It didnt take me long to get used to Ranger. He was a clown, and his antics won me over.

Time has passed now, Ranger is 11. Old but still remains the eternal clown. He has Candy for company as well and together they make me laugh and forget that I once lost someone so dear.

I write this post now, quite early in office. Even as i write, tears trickle down my face. Miss you Smudge!!!

Im going mad...

2007-09-05T16:15:00.000+05:30

Well a lot of you might quip silently...going mad, aren't you already mad!!! Maybe I am but this is a different case.

Imagine waking up in the morning. Sipping hot coffee, enjoying the cool morning breeze. Your mother walks up to you and you think shes gonna tell you something good. Instead she goes on and on and on about some horoscope that matched and how he would call and how he had his own house and how he was tall and this and that. Ive reached a stage where I just can't take it anymore. I was in Kerala for a break. Was enjoying myself. And mum called. I was having breakfast. Thought it would be a nice how are you doing conversation. Instead it was about some arbid guy in Hyderabad, who has spoken to me long back, works somewhere, intends to build his own house, has a mind of his own, liberal, broad minded...crappppppppp... told mum to stop. Just lost it. Told her i did not want to listen to this nonsense first thing in the morning. Something snapped inside and i just felt like putting this whole thing off.

Came back from Kerala. Told mum I was going to relocate, rather that I might have to. I came back from Hyderabad coz i though people needed me here. Now im not so sure. Im not saying i do not want to get married. I will, eventually. Im 24 for crying out loud!!! I can wait atleast another 2 years. I dont think i have the mental maturity to live with a guy and raise a family. Right now my career is going great. I did get frustrated over my job but now I truly love what Im doing. I enjoy my travel, the campuses, the students views, the interview...the exhiliration of it all. Im loving it.

If marriage were to come my way, i would have to quit my job or move to a place I do not like. I cannot think of doing that. I cannot and will not quit my career for anyone or anything right now. Why did i have to study then? I could've just been brought up and gotten married and generally domesticated. Why give me an education? Why did I have to do well also? Its frustrating me now. Totally driving me crazy. I do not want any commitments now. Im happy with my life the way it is. I love being single, i love my job and i love the people around me. Im not ready to accept someone new in my life and see myself with that person for the rest of my living days.

If i get married anytime now, if im forced into it...I will poison my husband. I wouldnt have to try too hard, my cooking would suffice!!!!

The magic...

2007-08-27T17:11:00.000+05:30

Idhu enna mayam
Idhu edhu varai pogum
Unnai partha naal mudhal
Parandhu pogiran..maeley
Idhu enna mayam
Idhu edhu varai pogum
Iru siragai virithu nan
Midhandhu pogiren..maeley!

Kanavugal varuvadhal kalavaram vizhiyiley
Dhinasari pudhu pudhu, anubhavam edhiriley...ulaagamey
Unnal indru pudhiyadhai unargiren
Urachagathai muzhuvadhai.
En vanathil sila matrangal
Vin megathil un uruvangal
En katriley un swasangal..nan parandhu pogireney

Abhi heard this song on the radio. We tried looking for it and finally found it. Now both of us go nuts listening to this song. Its the kind of song, you can close your eyes and sway to. The kind to put me in a totally different frame of mind. This song holds true in different phases in my life. Some people who made a difference. Some who left an indelible mark. Some who made me who I am. Some who make me want to live.

Like the song says changes...i look forward to them. They keep me going.

Please hear what I'm not saying...

2007-08-17T09:09:00.000+05:30

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear.

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

Masks that I'm afraid to take off,

And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature to me,

But dont't be fooled.

For God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure,

That confidence is my middle name and coolness is my game,

That the waters calm and I'm in command,

And that I need no one.

But don't believe me.

My surface may seem smooth byt my surface

Is my mask, ever-verying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence,

Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

A nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,

To shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,

My only hope, and I know it.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance,

If it's followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate my from myself,

From my own self built prison walls,

From the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will assure me

Of what I cannot assure myself,

That I'm really worth something.

Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging,

Each time you try to understand because you really care,

My heart begins to grow wings, very small wings,

Very feeble wings,

But wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling

You can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that.

Who am I, you may wonder.

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man you meet,

And I am every woman you meet.

(an excerpt from Chicken Soup for the Soul)

... I read this piece nearly ten years ago and yet again it strikes me as being absolutely honest and vulnerable. I do not have the book, but I happened to find a print out of this piece and felt that it needed public view. Each of us, at some point of time, wear masks. Sometimes we cannot let the world see us, as our true selves. We want to be accepted, we want to feel wanted, same time we are unsure if the world will accept us just as we are.

There was a time I strove to be someone I was not. I was always someone else. The true me, was missing and sometimes I wondered what my identity was. Today, my attitude has gone through a drastic change. 'I will be myself and I care a damn what the world thinks'. If I'm making a mistake, tell me, I will change, any other opinions feel free to keep them to yourselves. I don't really know the reason behind this change, think college really let me be myself. I did not feel oppressed. Did not feel like i was viewed under a microscope. I truly learned to love myself, and let those inhibitions go. I can't say now, that i love myself and im the best...well...atleast im trying!!

D Howlers updated

2007-08-16T12:48:00.000+05:30

D : Are German Shepherds Terriers
Sunny : Errr what???
D : You know, German Shepherds are ferocious and all. So they must be real terriers nah
Sunny : Terriers they cant be. Terrors they are.
D : Haaaannn correct...i meant terrors only!!!!

Hahahahahahahah!! ROTFL

Thoughts inspired by bread omelette

2007-07-05T11:05:00.001+05:30

Was getting ready for office this morning. Mum had left and was just planning to sit down for breakfast. Was tired of eating apple. Was bored of brown bread and low sugar raspberry jam. Decided to whip up a nice omelette and eat it with bread. And i did just that. A lot went through my head in the process. There was a time in college when i used to make this combo almost everyday for my best friend D. She was in hostel and inevitably the lazy bum would miss breakfast coz she simply wouldnt get up. Inspite of calling her and waking her up she would doze away and the breakfast would be forgotten. We were in evening college so classes started only by 12. Madam would sleep till 10. In college she would eat one puff and something to drink. Thats all!!!

Was wondering when she was going to pass out. She finally asked me one day to get her something to eat. Bread omelette was fine with her. It soon started to become a practise. Sometimes there would be no salt, sometimes too much, sometimes just perfect. The bread would be lightly toasted on the tawa so it wouldnt be too brittle nor too soft. Sometimes i would come early to give this dumbo sufficient time to eat while commenting about passersby or share the latest gossip before we went to class.

All this went through my head in a span of 1o mins. The bread was done. Neither too hard nor too soft... was just right. The omelette was done too. It did not tear. It was perfect. The salt was perfect too. Sometimes i guess even while cooking... its the thought that matters :)

Whats the point?

2007-07-04T18:33:00.000+05:30

I have a friend who often puts this question to me. If i tell her im working to hard she'll quietly ask me whats the point of slogging for nothing. Tell her about the pay, the emotional satisfaction, the work culture - she would still ask the same question.
Come to think of it, i've sort of started to follow the same mental path. I am working hard. I travel 4 out of 6 days. I literally beg technical panelists to come do interviews. I break my head arranging for travel and accommodation. I keep updating people about a 100 things. I drive PS mad coz both of us share the work load. Ultimately i get paid at the end of the month. Great. So whats the point of saving, of working etc. Is it for my future? What future? My kids? Right!! Let them grow up and earn for themselves. My duty is to put them thru a decent school and college. After that its their own headache. Hmmm im sure my parents dont think that way. I will be different!!!
I break my back trying to work out. I eat a morsel and i put on weight. A friend of mine eats 10 pooris and shes like a stick. Blame it on genes, heredity blah!! Then again why would i want to try so hard. To look good - i aint gonna be a movie star. To impress some guy - if he likes me it better be for my brains. But then again - maybe its just to feel good. But the question arises - Whats the point - anyways im gonna die some day. Why not enjoy life ? Hmm makes sense. But yeah i cant revamp my wardrobe every year and i dont think i can move beyond a XXXL. Im still far from it and somehow the thought of XXXL kills me. No ways. But then again. Whats the point.
I take time to look through websites to pursue my studies. To maybe do an MBA. Then again. I have a good job. I earn decently. So why study, whats the point!!!
Parents go mad trying to find a guy. My brother helps in the process. They are really really trying to hitch me to someone. Good for them. But whats the point of getting married. To have kids. To live happily ever after. The question the question - the point!!! I think id be happier being single. I could contradict myself saying whats the point being single!!
Time to stop
Take a deep breath
Finish this piece and then again
Whats the freaking point!!!!???

Interesting meeting...and its all over

2007-06-18T09:58:00.000+05:30

This weekend has been rather eventful. I had a scheduled appointment with one of those prospective grooms. I was running late. I reached the VENUE at 4.15 instead of 4.00 pm. No worries coz the other person was not yet there. I waited. 15 mins. Sent him a message. No response. 30 mins tried calling him. No response. No reply. Another 5 mins. Was impatient. Finally sent a message asking if he was coming or not. Finally got a call.

K - Hey what you doing at this place today

A - Err didnt you fix up a meeting plan today

K - Today!?!@ Wasnt it for tomorrow

A- What!!! You said today 4 pm and ive been here for the last 45 mins!!!

K - Damn. Sorry. Was sleeping. Would it be ok if we met tomorrow

A - Hmm i might have other plans. Id like to be done with it today. How long would you take to come considering you live close by.

K - I just need to shower and come over. Say about 20 mins.

A - Take your time. Ive been here for almost an hour another 20 mins wont hurt

K - Great will be there. And sorry again

A- No issues

He showed up in 5 mins. Great. He was in track pants and Tshirt. Interesting. WE got on talking. He seemed ok. The age difference between us sort of made me feel like a kid. Though he did not look so old. The only thing on his mind mostly was his job. He worked during the week. He slept during the weekend. Hmm no time for anything else. Even better. Weekdays he works till 3 am. Ouch ok.

Meeting over. Im back home. Im hounded by questions. I simply say that hes ok. Good fun. Busy busy and more busy and of course that he forgot about the meeting. Other than that i honestly dont have anything else to say about him.

Sunday - i was lying down chatting with Abhis friend. Phone rings. Abhi gives it to me saying its K's mother. I tell him to give the phone to dad or mum coz i was not sure if i should talk. Dad talks. I take Ranger for a walk. I come back and then go out to the beach. I come back and then Abhi walks in. K's mother had called. Apparently HoRRoRscope problem. Everything had matched but problem we were in the same 'Gothram'. In simple terms, a girl and boy, even if unrelated but belonging to the same gothram cannot get married. Reason being - they are like brother and sister. Ok cool. No issues but just that time wasted. I did not really worry or ponder over it. Was just irritated that such a thing was so stupidly overlooked.

I did have a lot of questions though. We had sent my horoscope. They did not send K's coz apparently his was some 'shuddha jathakam' and only his astrologer was to read it and match it with others. Great! Mum was hesitant to send mine, coz mine was also some ' shuddha jathakam' and people might cast eyes. HMMM. She agreed to send it coz they were a very good family and could be trusted with the horoscope. And she did just that. They had come back with news saying that all was good and from then on it was upto the boy and girl and the parents were mere facilitators. Great. Loved the attitude

The astrologer was supposed to be one of the best. If he had seen my horoscope and his, its unbelievable that he overlooked such a crucial thing. Most astrologers, first look at the gothram for fear that an unrelated brother and sister might get married : A top astrologer overlooking such an important fact. He sure did have K's best interests at heart. Hmmmm somehow i dont buy that story

Whether K had something to do with this i do not know coz he has not bothered to send a message even for formality sake. If he does - let me just say - a golden opportunity will only knock once or even better - finders keepers losers weepers. Whichever!I dont really feel that ive lost out something great coz he anyways did not have time for anything other than his work. His response to sms messages always takes 24 hours and of course he did forget our first meeting and in two weeks he has called me once.

Mum sent out a strong mail to K's mother. And K's mother sent out the most unbelievable explanation. I silently laughed. Ambi was listening to me read the mail aloud and she practically freaked out. I shall not go into details as i do not believe in defamation.

Nothing else from my side. I aint sad, or upset or depressed. Just bugged coz i had wasted precious time. :)

Story untold

2007-06-09T18:22:00.000+05:30

What do i tell a person who is madly in love with someone and he just doesn't care. They are best of friends. They can have a conversation about anything under the sun. They meet, they laugh, they talk like there is nothing between them. From his side...there is nothing. He values her friendship. He needs her advice when he's confused, he needs her to point out that he's stuck up... he never tells her all this though. She loves him. She always did. She's even told him. At one point things worked out. They were happy. He loved her too. And even told her. He suddenly changed. He said he meant it as a friend. He began to ignore her. They were in the same coffee shop where a month ago, she was sick and he was forcing her to drink masala chai while he enjoyed his strawberry milkshake. Now they sit, he staring at the table, she punching away on her mobile phone. Something she never used to do when he was around. They were together, yet apart.
She tried moving on. Tried keeping herself distracted. She tried questioning him he just didn't budge. He was a friend and she had misunderstood. His version. Her version - he said he loved her and also confirmed that he meant every word of it. He also messaged her often saying that he did. All that was sometime ago. He had grown up in a month. She had grown too much into it in month. She left the city. She tried being away thinking that distance and time will heal. His conference brought him to the same city. They met. She tried to keep out the emotions. She did till she was in his presence. The minute he left, she broke down.
They had tried to be friends. He was ok with it. She was trying real hard. Atleast she pretended to. He started ignoring her again, this time for no rhyme or reason. She asked him why. He responded saying she was imagining things. She wasn't. She came back to her hometown. He was ok again. He wasn't ignoring her. He started talking to her properly again. Asked why he had earlier ignored her, he stated that he thought she was falling for him again. Idiot when did she ever fall out of love for you??? She simply laughed it off. Screamed at him and told him to never assume things again. Liar!!!
They still talk. They still laugh.....or atleast he does. They still meet up. Every time he wants a song and can't find its download, he comes back to her even if they are fighting. She spends hours trying to find one song for him. He's happy. She's happy that he's happy. She can't do much anymore other than bury what she feels.
They are friends to the world. In her heart, he will always be hers. And they lived happily ever after... in their own separate lives.

Original Sin - Elton John

2007-05-18T16:16:00.000+05:30

Elton John
Oh, it's carnival night
And they're stringing the lights around you
Hanging paper angels
Painting little devils on the roof
Oh the furnace wind I
s a flickering of wings about your face
In a cloud of incense
Yea, it smells like Heaven in this place

I can't eat, can't sleep S
till I hunger for you when you look at me
That face, those eyes
All the sinful pleasures deep inside
Tell me how, you know now,
The ways and means of getting in
Underneath my skin,
Oh you were always my original sin
And tell me why,
I shudder inside, every time we begin
This dangerous game
Oh you were always my original sin

A dream will fly
The moment that you open up your eyes
A dream is just a riddle
Ghosts from every corner of your life
Up in the balcony
All the Romeo's are bleeding for your hand
Blowing theater kisses
Reciting lines they don't understand

I love this song. Im not saying more. I simply love it. And the rendition is amazing!!!

Some things you should know...

2007-05-17T12:32:00.002+05:30

1. I cant cook to save my life. I can sort make few things but dont think anyone other than me can eat it. I can boil water!!!
2. I love reading fiction. Not the sci fi, genetic type. Hard core fiction fan. Jeffrey Archer, Erich Segal keep me going. I love history. Off late have been reading a lot of indian writing and yes they are pretty good. Some are depressing though
3. i love dancing. Havent really learnt, but just enjoy dancing
4. Love bike rides. So long ive always been the one to ride. i love my bike (Honda Dio) and also love it if someone takes me for a ride on a bike. My younger brother's friend usually takes me for little zips
5. I love long drives in my car, listening to some good music, preferably late evening, when the sun is almost down and the stars are just beginning to show their face
6. I love red. I love red and i simply love red. I also love black. Think red and black is the deadliest combination (even though its often associated with DMK)
7. I love the water, - beaches, streams,water falls, the works.
8. I love Hugo Boss. One perfume that can drive me nuts. Davidoff poses equal competition
9. I love flowers. I think the most romantic/meaningful gift that can be given to anyone right from birth till death - are flowers. Roses, orchids, lilies. Love em all.
10. I love Dogs. Think ive already said that. Just reinstating the fact
11. I love my friends. They are psycho, whacko but the most lovable bunch of people around me
12. Im a die hard romantic. And if you havent figured that out by reading all of the above...YOU NEED TO READ THIS POST AGAIN!!

I cant stand
1. Gossip
2. Backbiting
3. Loud mouths
4. Screaming kids
5. Sound of scratching nails on a blackboard
6. the heat
7. dishonesty - especially amongst friends. I find it hard to forgive friends who lie. I can forgive everybody else.
8. Body odour
9. Generalisations
10. Stereotypes
11. melodrama in real life
12. raking up the past when fighting
13.low self esteem

Still thinking. If theres more will update....

D and Cookie Howlers

2007-05-07T19:04:00.000+05:30

D will henceforth be known as Pindimana Thamburatti and Cookie will be nicknamed as Theetamana Kookeshwaran. For those who dont know what that means, better that way. Dont bother asking me. If you know what it means. Silently laugh else D will kill me, which she will anyway do coz its now public knowledge

Cookie : if you tell me what is in my bag i will give you some eggs from my bag. If you tell me how many there are i will give you all 8
D: Tough. Give me some Clue.

LOL. I shan't say more.

Im yet to get mail..

2007-05-07T18:47:00.000+05:30

Been awhile i know. Too much travel too little time. A lot of disasters also. Well managed to cross it all for now. Atleast for the moment. Ma is kinda going nuts i think. Shes on the groom hunt for me. I have on issues but its rather crazy to have to sit and screen them. Sometimes i wonder if my recruitment job goes on at home. One day mum said " This guy is rejected" and i was surprised. Simply told ma that i did not interview any candidate like that. Ma was like, he is not a candidate, hes one of the proposals thats come for you. Oops ok. Sorry. How am i supposed to know that.
The other day amma asked if it would be ok if the guy was a doctor. Now what exactly do i have against doctors?? Nothing except i should not be the guinea pig. Other than that no hassles. Asked amma to go ahead. Another really good proposal came and ma and the guys mom have been in touch. The moms seem to have grown very fond of each other. The family is also a fantastic family. Ok. So hows the guy. According to his mum, hes fantastic, studied at Stanford, Harvard, upright, noble...well err..ok. Fine. His mums ok with me and my mum is ok with him. Something missing here. Yea my approval. Anyways good that amma is leaving this one thing to me. Shes given the guy my email id, and im supposed to wait for a good day when he decides to mail me. Till then ive gotta wait.
Interesting all this is to me. Though i dont really know what to do and how to react. Im supposed to get married. Ok great. No problem. What else am i supposed to do. Anyways as of now im just going with the flow. What happens happens. Will take it as it comes. Amma gives me lectures on how everything is upto me and its for me to decide and i should like the guy and theres no pressure and in her times she didnt have the option and she just had to do what was told and that times are not like that and the family is important and ..and ..and. Phewwww
Guess ill just wait for the mail!!!!

@$$$#%@%

2007-04-16T12:45:00.000+05:30

Yes if you could hear me I would be using the worst swear words you could have ever heard. My Monday was the worst it could possibly be and im not exaggerating. I was on my way to office. Stuck in traffic and roasting in the Chennai heat. I was taking the turn from the Rajbhavan road to Guindy. There were a whole lot of new changes. The road had been made one way. Good and bad. Good coz i wouldnt have to battle with the signal there. Bad coz there would be a mad rush from all sides towards Guindy and Saidapet. Was moving towards the left to turn and saw this man trying to cross. Slowed down out of common courtesy. The guy was staring at me. Something told me something was going to happen. Intuition. I instinctively shut my helmet. The freaking idiot looked me in the face and SPAT one me. YES YOU READ RIGHT...THE IDIOT SPAT ON ME. Freaking crap. He was chewing on Pan Parag and my tshirt was splattered with it. I couldnt stop coz i was in the middle of the road and something told me to just keep driving.
I was shocked. I was irritated. I wanted to hold the guy by his neck and smash his head against a lamp post. I wanted to shove him into a dustbin or a drainage. I wanted to simply kill him. I dont know if he did that out of some sheer stupidity or whether it was something driven towards me coz i was a WOMAN. Im not making a generalisation here but seriously what right does a man have over a woman...jus coz he is a man and does not necessarily have to use his head to think. Why i did not do what i wanted to do was simply coz i just had to get to the office and i did not know how to react.
All i could do was be thankful that i closed my helmet. Thank god he was chewing pan parag and not paan. Yewwwwwwwwwwww yuckkk!

Lil Rascals

2007-03-19T18:01:00.000+05:30

After a long time I actually decided to take a weekend off from Chennai. Went down to Cochin to meet D and also the latest addition to her family. A basset hound. I had a campus event near Salem and decided to go to Ernakulam from there straight. I reached at 3 in the morning. Sunny was waiting for me at the entrance and when I reached the auto I saw D with lil D on her lap. He was the most adorable thing I had laid my eyes on. He was ochre brown and white with ears that he tripped on every two steps. We reached home and D and I slept in the hall and lil D was running around and finally settled between us. Though I had slept at 4 I was up by 8 coz I had to catch lil D from running towards Big D’s mum who is terrified of the brat. I woke up so fast that I sprained my neck.
Lil D has a mind of his own. You can call him a million times but he will respond only when he wanted to. He loved chewing D’s fingers, hair, ripping up the plants kept outside and standing in the kitchen waiting for food. D threatened people but lil D could threaten Big D and she would quietly do his bidding. One person who can finally threaten her and make her dance to his tunes. Amma is dying to see this lil one and cant stop imagining what he might be like with all the stories ive given her.
Lil D has been baptized. He will henceforth be called Cookie. We were thinking of Rascal but Big D refused to name him that. Sunny and I quietly revel in the fact that the D not naming him Rascal was fear of having people say ‘ Like master like dog’. Rascals apart, I had a blast with this little chap and the big brat. Was great to be back, secure, happy and well rested. Went for a body massage and felt that my body had really gone on vacation. Though it was just a weekend, feels like I can go on without holiday for another month. Then it will be time to come back again to big D and lil C.

sleepless in salem

2007-03-19T18:00:00.001+05:30

We reached Salem at 5 in the morning. An unearthly time that I rarely see unless im unbelievably inspired to go for an early morning workout. Not happening. Me and 5. LOL. Anyway we came to the hotel and there were no rooms for KR and me. We are still waiting for a room. I was hoping to sleep for a bit and then get ready for the days event. Doesn’t seem to be happening now. Theres some religious music running in the background. I have nothing against it but just that at 6 in the morning ( yea we have waited for that long ) id rather climb into bad with some soft music and fall sleep. The HOD of the MCA department in the College to which we are going is sitting with us pretty helpless. Still no rooms. Apparently Indian Oil employees are in the same hotel and have occupied all the rooms. Hmm…no sleep…no rest…. Nice day. On top of that I take a train tonight to Cochin and the darned thing reaches at 3 in the morning. I have to train Ds dog over the weekend. Love to do that and looking forward to atleast that. KR is dozing away sitting here in the lobby. I cant quite do that coz the chair im sitting is not as comfortable. Grrrr…

I am a dog

2007-03-13T16:25:00.000+05:30

I took the test Nothings Aplently took. Seems interesting. Here are the results.

You are one of the best friends that someone could ever ask for. A very loyal, compassionate person who is always there for close friends and family members who are in a tough time. You are someone who can be counted on time and time again and never let small grudges get in the way of a good friendship. But unfortunately, you are very dependant, and every now and then someone will take advantage of your loyalty, and it is most often not until you end up hurt that you realised your foolishness.

Celebrity for a day...

2007-03-10T12:17:00.000+05:30

Funny are the ways of people who are new to something. Well I handle campus recruitment and my sole duty is to visit colleges in Tamil Nadu and recruit freshers for the following year. Its a challenge to get the prime slot that is the Day 1 slot and most companies fight tooth and nail to get it. We almost always get a day 1 or day 2 slot. Anyways, there was this college we had never visited before. They themselves called and offered us day 1. We thought we might as well give it a shot coz you never know the students might just be really good. We sent the tech panels earlier. My boss KR and i left a little later. We were just planning to leave, well the cab driver was missing. We tried calling the cab service and they couldnt help. Finally he came walking out of OUR office, slowly. When KR hailed and asked him to come faster, he actually waved back saying he will come slowly.
Fine, we left. The driver was a PSYCHO. If he couldnt overtake he would slam his fists on the steering wheel. If someone called he would speak to them like he was the boss. We hadnt even reached the airport and when the other driver called he said he had crossed the airport long back. KR and i werent quite sure if we would ever reach. We turned into a road and KR told him to ask someone where the college was. He stopped at a place where there was NO ONE. Guess he expected to look up at the sky and see some sign. After all that havoc we reached in one piece.
We just got out of the car. A whole lot of people crowded around us, shook hands, gave us flowers, took photographs. Neither of us knew what was happening but we simply smiled and went on to the control room. All neatly arranged. They forced us to breakfast. The arrangements were done by a 5 star hotel. Why God knows !!@#!@ We went on to make the pre placement talk. Mr KR was introduced as Dr. KR. His expression was priceless. Then he was introduced as the Location Research Manager though he was the Location Resource Manager. I couldnt quite control myself. KR was also felicitated with a shawl. LOLLLLL. He looked like he was getting a Ph D or something. Ohh by the way the prayer song killed me. They tried to sing Mahaganapatim. I love that song... well atleast i loved it till then. The words were all wrong, the rendition was.. well i wished i was deaf thats all.
The day went on like that. The faculty was all over us. The placement officer smiled like we were stars she had never seen. There were a lot of mishaps but they tried covering it up. Finally the day winded up and i had no energy left. Came back to office. There was a crisis situation. I was hoping to head home straight. Thankfully i checked my mail. Everything sorted i reached home at 10!!. Now im back in the office and honestly wondering what the hell im doing here... :)

Confidential...meaning revisited

2007-03-02T23:11:00.000+05:30

Had one heluva tiring day.After work had to meet some people from some colleges, not students but faculty, placement officers etc. Dinner was an out and out business affair. My friend Ms.J called in the middle, surprised i picked up the phone and told her i was a bit busy and that i would call her back. Well J and i have been friends for ages, and well its jus that she never calls. I dont have a problem with that but still when she does its like snow in Chennai. Anywayz i presumed she called to tell me she was free so we could meet up tomorrow. We were thinking of a movie. I got back home and called back quite happy that we were to meet after a long time. Well apparently she called to tell me that i had discussed something confidential in public. Public being one lady i knew and the confidential info being that a someone she knew from my company dint have a good time abroad.
Whoa... every company has confidential stuff but since when did such shit become that. Well felt something snap inside and knew i was going to blow it soon. So told her that if something was confidential, why the hell should you tell me in the first place. There are millions of things that happen around me..that are really meant to be CONFIDENTIAL...i dont go around discussing it. Well i dont blame Ms J. Those someones shudda been more careful and less judgmental. I dont like people telling me , I TOLD YOU SO. If you told me so then u shudda freaking stressed it or pput a post it on my face. Then id have remembered. Or next time when we talk take a sheet, take a ruler, take a pen. Divide the page into two columns. One as confidential and the other as public knowledge. Fill up both columns. And once you're done...

... LEAVE IT IN THE BATHROOM SO SOMEONE COULD USE IT AS TOILET PAPER!!!

Uncle's BACKKKKKKK

2007-03-01T13:20:00.000+05:30

D's dad is back and hes fine. Im relieved. D's been under tension for ages and shes been going mad for awhile thanks to all the tension. Additionally her dad was not well. He was having some heart problems.
D urgently called me one day and told me that Appa failed the Tread Mill test. Which meant that his heart was week. Within a couple of weeks he had to have a by pass surgery. He was brought from Ranny to Cochin and admitted in the hospital. Three arteries were blocked. While the surgery was to take place his heart was functioning only 40%. The surgery was done and he was in ICU. He survived it and all our prayers from everyone i knew was with him.Now hes back home. D's sort of relieved but the tension in her voice is evident. Will be tough ahead but he will get better.
Dont worry gal... Everything wil be goood.

P.S.- Im not writing just because you fought with me... this happenend today..im relieved and im writing. My justification for the post :)

you dint write about me...

2007-02-28T15:53:00.000+05:30

A: Heyy did you read my blog

D: Oh yea i did.. What di full jollu for Prithviraj... foto and all

A: Yea what to do orey love for him

D: Read the whole thing

A: Yea ..awesome (very very happy)

D: But how come you wrote about everybody and did not write about me

A: I started blogging only recently and what i wrote is funny things that have been happening last two weeks... i dont think anything interesting has taken place between us the last two weeks

D: Oh... so do u mean to say that incident with Ranger happened two weeks back.. you told me about it many months ago

A: err.. i just wrote about things i spontaneously thought of and i did not consciously include or exclude anyone

D: I know you could write about everyone but me

A: Its not like that

D: I know you have your own life. Your own family. I dont matter anymore. As usual i have to be alone. I am getting used to it

A: Where do you get all this nonsense from?? Yea all your life you've been alone. You have had no one. What crap all this is just assumptions.

D: Yea why would u bother about me anyway

A: Yea why would i. After all ive never been there as a friend nah. Dont ever assume things about me. Its not like i consciously and deliberately did not write.

D: Whatever happens dont write about me after this

A: Not a problem. Anyways ive started writing after so long.. now who cares might as well stop that also.

D: Do whatever but dont write about me

A: Fine

D: Fine

weeks never end

2007-02-28T09:40:00.001+05:30

Yawwwnnnn. I woke up and was unusually happy. Was walking around with a spring in my step. Sipped and relished my morning coffee like it was the last time I was going to drink it. Amma was a bit confused but decided not to ask. She probably thought that i was relieved that i finally had an entire weekend off and wasnt travelling. She didnt really ask though. Relaxed and had a nice warm bath, totally enjoying the luxury. Finally practically rolled my way to breakfast... Finally i exclaimed - Yayyyy its Thursday and one more day for the weekend. Amma looked at me like i lost my mind.... Aarthi its only Wednesday.. Aww mum come on dont burst my bubble... AARTHI it is Wednesday... AMMA

WELL AARTHI IT IS ONLY WEDNESDAY. Hmmph!

Huh...what??

2007-02-27T17:10:00.001+05:30

Aarthi...yea tell me...I need the updated list of all the colleges for WASE.. I need the total numbers and details for the Trichy TIS event..have u spoken to priya for the list of technical panelists...I need the quote for the materials to be printed...I need you to remind me about the VP going to Salem...you need to check if his tickets are taken care of... i need you to check with certain colleges if they will be givin us day 1 slot.. you have five minutes...so finish and come to my cabin....

HUH WHAT?????

Mozhi fiasco

2007-02-26T18:31:00.002+05:30

Pritviraj..hah yes i can see you grinning. My current craze is Pritviraj, of Kana Kandein and Parijatham fame. His charm, good looks...will cut the crap...i jus think the guy is awesome! Anyways his latest film released on friday and i was dyin to watch it. I booked tickets online for the show. Mum, abhi, mohi and myself went for the film. Collected the tickets and went to the theatre..the guy dint allow us in!! WHY?? Coz the tickets had been booked for a different date. After much hassle realised it was some problem with the server. The ppl at the theatre were extremely sweet inspite of me boiling..they offered to sell the tickets or give us tickets for another day...i decided to get it rescheduled for another day and leave for the moment...that wasnt to be either coz our car was parked along with those goin for Mozhi..so we were stuck for another three hours...the theatre guys requested us to watch Blood Diamond...No thanks have already seen it...Damn we had no other option..Well they did offer the box....fine...will just watch it and so we did...

People have been taking my trip about this simply coz i was practically jumping the whole day and all that energy jus went poooof! when the whole plan flopped. My bro and his friend are pretty much sick and tired of me talking about this guy. Before we went for the movie my bro even cursed me sayin that on screen Pritviraj's face alone would be black!!! What black... i didnt even get to see him except on the hoarding!!! Talk about curses coming true :(

argghhhh...

2007-02-22T12:47:00.001+05:30

YES!! Thats exactly what im saying now. Why?? Coz its just like that. I had been away from listening to music for awhile. Earlier in my previous office i used to have my headphones 24/7. Well new office, new people, thought id take my time before i started listening to music. Decided today would be the D-day. The day i joined i knew i couldnt load any CDs coz the CD drive has been removed from all our systems!!! Then i tried accessing sites where i could download or listen to streaming using. My usual favorites were all blocked...and threw the warning message on my face saying "ACCESS DENIED"..even banks aint so secure. FINE!! Thought id load some music on my phone and then transfer to my system with the data cable. Well turns out you need administrative rights even for that.

Finally i tried radioblog. The site worked. PRAISE THE LORD!!! I said it too soon. The site worked but it needed the latest version of Macromedia Flash. Tried updating the existing version turns out I DID NOT HAVE SUFFICIENT PRIVILEGES!!! Anyone who even considers laughing...well if ur a man i curse that you get pregnant and if ur a woman i curse that your teeth fall off and ur head goes bald. Exactly thats how mad i am at the moment. Told my friend 'Nothings Aplenty' to send me some songs. She sent me 9. Received 3. The remaining were quarantined. Another way to remind me about my privileges and rights.

Pandora seems to be finally showing me some sympathy. Borrowed headphones from a friend. Right now, think id need more than just good music to soothe those nerves...

my breakthrough as an actor

2007-02-21T19:23:00.001+05:30

Necessary targets.. a play by Eve Ensler...telling the story of victims of chaos in Bosnia...the story is about 5 victims who tell their story as the play progresses...they dont really want to open up but they end doing jus that..a psychiatrist comes to visit them from America and tries to make them talk about their sorrow...well little did she know the intensity of what actually happened and in the end she falls in love with Bosnia when a doctor who was among the refugees actually talks about the beauty of Bosnia, that was later ravaged and destroyed...

Well i played the character of Zlata, a refugee who was also a doctor. The play was one of the toughest ive done till date. Throughout the play, shes stoic, upright but in the end she breaks down..Stoic - me!!! How on earth..and breaking down..on stage..damn. Well the play practises used to start at around 3 and went on till 9 in the night. Saturdays usually went on from morning till late night as some of our best practise sessions were on Saturday. The play also had a bunch of monologues. Each character had her story to tell. Our director, Dr. Rajani, my second play with him, GRILLED US. What i am today as an actor, i owe completely to him. Anyways back to the play - he was busy working on this particular character Seada, who in the play was raped and her baby was taken away from her. Sir had to work on her quite a bit as she had quite a strong accent. All other monologues were done, except mine. I didnt really want to bring it up with him coz the tension of the play was really building up. Finally the weekend before the play i reminded him that he had never ever reheared my monologue. I could see his face, like lightning had struck or something. I was still very very very amateur in my acting skills and dialogue delivery. He decided that we would try and read the monologue and he would chop off as much as possible. I was ok with it coz it saved the trouble but still something in me just wanted to do the whole damn thing...coz they were beautiful lines and to deliver them would be sheer joy had i rehearsed them earlier. I read the monologue out loud. Sounded ok to my ears..just ok..not great. Then thatha ( i fondly call Rajani Sir that) told me to get a hang of the lines and just break down delivering them and if possible imagine what the lines were trying to convey. I tried...i really did..i had to imagine snowy mountains, warm kitchens, the sound of laughter, green pastures and the next instant had to imagine terrorists breaking in and chopping of my parents heads...my mind was in a whirl and before i knew it...i had broken down and was sobbing uncontrollably on stage with the lines coming out in splutters...the scene was over and i had collapsed on stage... Sir...well was astounded so were the others who were not in the scene but were just watchin..i couldnt get a hold of myself for a bit..and when i did..i knew something in me had broken loose...guess i had no more inhibitions about being on stage..i could cry, laugh, anything easily like i actually lived the moment....

None of the crew and co ordinators had watched my scene..the day before the play we were to have a dress rehearsal. One of my closest friends was heading the Costumes and make up committee ..automatically all my other close friends were in the committee helping out and were present on the dress rehearsal...the staff co ordinator for the play was the Head of my Department....my scene was done..i had broken down..the tears finally stopped..the play was over. I was sitting at the edge of the stage listening to my directors feedback. My friends came upto me and well...all they could say was Machan why the hell did you cry like that...they were standing in a corner actually shocked that i was crying...then my HOD approached...all she said was...the scene was fantastic and i was moved...I was not moved..i was FLOATING now...

that was the beginning...the beginning that will always be...i cant see an end in my passion for acting.,.. I love the stage...i enjoy being on stage....theatre is my passion, my dream, i can be someone im not at the same time i can also be myself...revealing facets of myself that i would in normal everyday life not show people... Cant wait to act again after taking a hiatus of nearly a year and half...wish my life could just start and end,...acting!

stolen moments...

2007-02-21T11:07:00.001+05:30

Hmmm...something i suddenly thought of and thought id just pen down a few of mine... a walk with someone special and suddenly realising you were walkin hand in hand... sittin by the beach, talking about aircrafts, ships, the platform and strawberry ice cream and soon you realise that you have spent five hours talking about nothing... sitting in the open air and watchin a music concert with a slight drizzle... falling sick the next day and drinking masala chai in Java Green coz ur under threat while that someone decides to drink strawberry milkshake - pig ... staying up late working on somethin you have no clue about except that he has to, so u stick around and pretend that you know exactly what you are doing...sending an sms to someone even though he is sitting right next to u jus to say hi... a long drive on a rainy road listening to ur favorite song oblivious to everythin else... when he goes somewhere and gets u something simply coz he thought of you...and drops it in ur bag with a sweet but simple note..and u go home and find this lil thing peeking out of the corner of your bag... an sms telling you he misses you even though he jus met you a couple of mins ago..

life aint always a pain.. some moments outweigh the rest..and when life treats you bad thinkin of these good times can make a teeeny weeny difference...atleast puts a smile on ur face...unaware!

ranger danger

2007-02-20T15:58:00.000+05:30

For those of you wondering who ranger is..well its obvious you dont know me well enough..Ranger...my goofy labrador...is about 12 years old now ..and before we adopted him he was actually named Danger. Just like every true parent, mum didn't want to sabotage her son's future with a name like that..hence we referred to him as Ranger..hoping he would respond.. Now there's no looking back..
Anyways just so you guys dont think hes some macho dog..here goes...mum usually wakes up really early..and ranger wakes up at about the same time...mum wakes up and opens my room (i was away in hyderabad) only to find the neighbours cat sleeping on my bed!!! Talk about taking ownership over ur surroundings. Anyways mum was pretty shocked to see the cat...but all the cat did was raise its head and simply acknowledged her presence...Ranger hadn't noticed the cat and was lying down next to the refrigerator..,.anyways the cat stretches...cranes her neck..and then decides that it was time for her to leave...all the while poor mum waiting and wondering when this unexpected guest would leave... the cat jumps off the bed...simply trots in front of mum..not displayin one percent of agility expected from normal cats...mum was worried that ranger might wake up seein the cat...and bark bringing the roof down..while barking under normal circumstances would be ok..this was 5 am..half the world was asleep...the cat simply continues to trot, stretch and trot again..ranger wakes up...surprise in his eyes that a cat was coming out of my room....all mum could do was dumbly stare...wat one would expect in such a situation would be chaos, noise, chase,,something like that..well whaddya think ranger did :)...welll he sprang up to his feet, ran for his life,...and hid behind mum and quietly watched the cat...his eyes filled with terror...mum had to control herself till the cat FINALLY left..and then burst out laughing...
Ranger...definitely Danger :)

new job..time lapse memory lapse

2007-02-16T17:58:00.000+05:30

well im not gonna explain that title too much..anyways im working at Wipro Technologies now... honestly i am having a lot of fun...have a great team that i work with..still getting hang of the new job..slowly but decently well...within the first week of being here i had to fly to Ghaziabad (never heard of the place till i actually went there). Well this place is about an hour and half from Delhi. We were told to reach Delhi by 5 in the evening coz the college cabs would be waiting for us. A bunch of technical panelists and of course not-so-technical me...we were at the airport waiting for the program manager...well delhi off late has been known for all flights being delayed, both incoming and outgoing flights...smart that i am i told the technical panelists to leave...myself, another HR guy say Mr N were waiting in the airport...well waited is almost an understatement...lets say i lived there from 5 in the evening till 9 in the night...finally..oh so finally my colleague landed...with the little energy left..i dragged my luggage...was freezin outside..no college cabs..so took an airport cab..luckily we had one of the college guys accompanying us...welll not so lucky though coz he was a bit of a dud head,,. the airport cab dropped us off at a place called Anand Vihar...me was thinking it was jus a bus station..turns out it was a FREAKING DISPUTE area..damn..nice place i want myself at 11.30 in the night..turns out the college cab was on its way to pick us up from this place..and well it was coming for a very long time.. FINALLY we got picked up at 11.45 after standing on the platform for a good 45 mins...with drunken auto drivers asking if we wanted a lift...thieves running away and police chasin..(no kidding).. when we reached the hotel it was almost 1...realised i hadnt eaten dinner..luckily the hotel had some rice and dhal makhni...god bless them..at that time hot water wud have been a meal...all done i crashed with faint images of kabhi alvida na kehna...(was watching a bit of it on TV) running through my head..the next day the campus event went good..few arguments here and there..not that i personally cared as long as i shuddup and did my work...which i obviously did..finished my interviews close to 10 and selected the future prospects of my company..announced results..had dinner and went back to the hotel thru the fog,...crashed again...morning awoke early and left for the airport.. traffic jam...hating it...wish i cud just crawl into bed...wasnt quite happenin...reached the airport finally...flight delayed by 20 mins...reached home...changed and ran to office...was chatting with my colleague..and she was asking how the event..and all i cud say was it went well...and then....i cudnt remember which day of the week it was :(..well my colleague smirked and said WELCOME...hah yea rite :)

time i wrote again...

2007-01-31T11:49:00.000+05:30

its been a reaally really long time since i even bothered to write...but yes i was inspired by a friend at work..who decided that i either blog or answer her emails. Well she did decide the latter wud be profoundly disastrous...so i wasnt left with much of an option..so here goes...well i jus got back from this really long vacation..i spent two whole weeks at home..yes u heard me right at home..the first week went in coughing my lungs out thanks to a dreadful paint allergy..my best friend Ms D decided to come down from Kerala and we did our usual musings at T Nagar buying things we wud probably use twice in our lives..and they will find their place in the corner of the cupboard...only to be found by amma when she performs her ritual of cleaning cupboard which she does out of exasperation...the second week was pretty eventless..was at home...bugging my dogs till no end..they refused to let me sleep and i pretty much did the same...ended up quarrelling with dad over some stupid issue but it was time someone spoke up..too bad it had to be me..but yeah alls well that ends well..im back in hyderabad now..for my last week in my present company..im moving back to chennai next week..new job...home beckons again.. :)

Home is where the heart is...

2006-06-21T14:52:00.000+05:30

I had the perfect weekend. Went home after two months. No one knew i was coming except for my brother. Amma was really happy and of course so were ranger and candy. Thing is i never thought a time would come when i would actually miss home. I'm back to work now and hell ya i miss home..i miss everything about it...i never thought id say this but i honestly am. Life just took a complete turn once i moved from home. I was just another person at home. Now when i go back i am a priority. Atleast for that time when i am there..i am the most important one out there. Who wouldn't feel good with all that attention? I loved every moment of it.
Now i am back. Happy to be back but got this empty feeling inside. I wish i could go back..i will...Laters!!

i wish...

2006-06-13T14:48:00.001+05:30

What am i here for...

I wish I knew...
I wish I could change my identity
I wish I could be someone im not at the moment..
I wish my mind were an iron curtan and my heart a solid rock.
I wish I could hide behind the darkness and cover my face with its veils and let no one rip them away..
I wish I could flow as one with a river that has no end..
I wish I could be a part of the ocean and the waves...
and all I would have to do is caress the silent sands..
and the occasional breeze touchin my icy layers....
I wish I could jus be..
Jus be without nuthin and no one to think of.
I wish I were..I wish I am and I wish I would be...